I have made it no secret that I have gained 5-10lbs more than I care to admit or carry on these hips. This fact makes it hard to wear certain articles of my wardrobe because either the clothes do not fit or they are ill-fitting. A skirt that used to be flirty and short, has a more sexy, bootilicious effect with the extra butt I'm carrying around. A pair of cute, perfect-for-the-summer, pants will not zip- AT ALL! I refuse to buy replacement clothes because I do not intend to be this weight beyond this summer. Plus, as you know, my FA ain't having it anyway.
Last night I went out to hear some music and decided to be a bit daring. I wore one of my favorite pair of shorts. They are Calvin Klein and I love them. These shorts used to be staples in heavy summer rotation, but I have gained the weight obviously and it has just been consistently hot enough to wear them without looking to thirsty. I rarely, if ever wear these shorts without heels. In my mind, they are made for heels. So I put on a throwback pair I had honestly forgotten about, and a form fitting long sleeve and slightly see through top. For the first time in a couple of months, I felt all out sexy. I was kind of worried for the reaction. Are they too short? Walking to my car from my apartment building, heading over to the place, I heard, all the way from down the end of the block it seemed, "Hey, how you doing?". Yeah, they're short as hell. When I arrived at the venue, I felt a bit 'over dressed'. So I sat down. Plus, I could feel the eyes of men on my every move. The women's stares were a bit more judgmental. But as I carefully and secretly pulled them out my crack periodically (they were tight) I thought, I need to enjoy and appreciate my body for what it is now. As opposed to longing for what I feel it should be later; constantly critiquing myself, my shape. Or coming down hard on myself when I break my diet goals for the day to indulge in a cupcake given to me by my co-worker (which happens more than you can imagine).
Yes, those shorts were tight. But if I were single, I could have pulled some action. In reality, I am not that far from my weight loss finish line. Being hard on myself is not going to help. Will I be wearing those shorts everyday? No. But it was fun to pull them out for a hot occasion.