The scripture that came to me was Psalm 34:4 which begins: I sought the Lord, and he answered me. It touched me so much I sent the scripture to a few people via text. It was a message. Then in church, the scripture highlighted was Luke 11:5-13. This passage among other things states: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Okay, so here I stand, bold enough to say that I am seeking, knocking and asking.
But that's where I get insecure. I want to make sure what I seek is right, righteous. I know for a fact that God will provide. In the past I have asked for things and got exactly that. For instance, my last serious boyfriend was EXACTLY what I had asked God for, and let me tell you, he was an absolute MESS! What I learned was, what I wanted was not always in my best interest. I asked for a man with a good job, he was a chemical engineer and so busy with work he never had time for me. I wanted someone who made 'good money' and handled it well. He did, but he was stingy with it. While my salary at that time was a good $50K less than his, and I was struggling, eating canned sardines at times for dinner. This dude was sitting on, in his words, about $20K in savings. He was a family man, but his family took precedence over me every time. I wanted someone who was single with no kids. He did not have children, but his mentality was definitely that of a single man. Never surrendering to the relationship.
What I sought was all wrong. I should have asked God for a thoughtful man of God. A man who loved me unconditionally. I brotha who enjoyed being with me. A giving and honest man. A true partner in this life. I will never doubt what God can do for me, but as I grow wiser in my walk, I ask him to make my most critical decisions. I let him know what I want, but asks that he will sweep my heart and see my deepest desires. On the surface, I am asking for a man who is financially stable, but in essence, the key is stability. I can struggle alone. When I say I desire a thoughtful man, what I want is someone who thinks of me and considers my thoughts, my joys, my pain. When I say I want a 'good man', the core of that statement is I want a friend. Someone I can be proud of, someone who encourages me to be my best. Someone who steadily progresses.
Yes, I will continue to seek. I will continue to ask. And yes, here I stand God, knocking. I know you hear me. My prayer is that you bless this child of yours with the patience to wait for what it is that YOU will. For that seems to be the best solution in all issues and problems. Whether it's through internet dating, walking down the street or through a hookup. I want what is best by YOUR standards.
Have you ever examined what it is you seek? Is it really what is best or just what YOU think is best?