She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Friday, September 6, 2013

Rockabye Baby

Recently I have been trying to meditate more often.  After completing the Oprah and Deepak Chopra 21-Day Challenge, I decided to keep the party going by trying to center myself daily.  Meditation for me can be difficult, because my brain is always on overload and I have a hard time focusing on not focusing.  When I would meditate with Deepak, I tried to zone out into the music that was provided in the background, while Deepak "minds the time" for you.  That actually helped.  So I figured if I was going to meditate on my own, the music would be essential.

So where do you find "meditation music"?  YouTube of course.  I just searched meditation music and voila!  I had a whole selection to choose from.  Then I started thinking, if the music can relax me enough to meditate for at least a good solid 10 minutes, than it must also work for sleeping right?  Yes.  Yes indeed it does.  If you have not put yourself to sleep to meditation music, you are missing out on something special. 

Your average full-time working adult (this includes stay-at-home parents, housewives, entrepreneurs, etc.), is already tired when a day's work is completed.  With the internet, binge T.V. watching (oh my goodness, is it just me or is there a LOT of good television to get hooked on right now!?) and social media sites (Facebook can be the devil late at night), it is hard to actually go to sleep.  Tired unfortunately, does not equate to sleep.  I am too familiar with that feeling when your eyes are burning; you can barely move from where your body has landed.  You might even doze intermittently, just not actually take your butt to bed!

I have found a solution for myself.  I just moved into a new apartment, like, just last Sunday.  So less than a week.  Although I really adore my new home, it still does not feel like home yet.  Probably because I lived in my old apartment for six years.  Unlike my previous place, I have my T.V. in the living room, meaning I cannot put the sleep timer on and watch until I fall asleep.  I actually have to get up and go into another room to get comfortable.  I like this set up better, but with it being a new place and all, I needed to get used to it.  This is where my meditation music comes in handy.  I pull up my favorite YouTube meditation music selection, which is over an hour long and let it rock me to sleep.  If you have not tried this, let me tell you!  It is like musical Ambien!  I only remember the first 5-10 minutes, then the next thing I know, it's 5 o'clock in the morning!  This music will put you DOWN.  It is so good, I put it on as soon as I go into the bedroom.  While I am reading before bed it plays.  Last night, I never even cracked my book open; the music had taken over.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of thing that gets me excited.  I am by no means one of those over-sleeper type people who takes a nap every chance they get.  I have to actually be tired to rest my brain enough (back to the importance of meditation) to go to sleep.  In regards to a good night sleep, it makes a world of difference for me in terms of my mood and feelings the next day.  I hate dragging and being tired.  As I told my friend yesterday, a girl needs her rest!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

A Curious Woman

I work in downtown Chicago.  As with any urban downtown area, you tend to run into or see the same familiar faces time and time again.  You may not know these people, but as each of you head to your designated trains or buses, you pass them either to or from work.  There is this one woman in particular who I see in the evenings when I am headed home.  I walk eastbound and she west.  I have seen her for a few years now, and each time I pass her, she gives me this "don't look at me peasant!" look.  Which makes me want to smile and be friendly with her even more. 

She is tall, about 6'1" without heels (she only wears slipper-like mules or kitten-heeled sandals) and very thin.  Her hair is a throwback to the 40s "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" singers.  It is died black and has never changed since I first started seeing her.  She always wears makeup and her clothes seem to hail heavily from the late 90s to the early 2000s.  Not quite old, but definitely past the label of new and "on-trend". 

I noticed something was "different" about her the very first time I saw her.  Which may be the reason she gives me the shit face.  I may have stared at her a beat to long.  Here's the thing, I think this "woman" is(was) a man.  She is just a tad bit too feminine.  Only ladies will understand me when I say this, but as a natural born woman, I have been handling this body for 33 years now.  I am often told how lady-like I am, I have been complemented on my walk, my unassuming sexiness and even been called "prissy" from time to time.  Which always tickles me, because I know the clutz within.  I do not try to be these things, they just come with the territory. 

I know the feeling of carrying around two oranges tightly held down by a bra that I euphorically remove almost immediately when I hit my front door.  I have felt nature's little fanny pack bounce up and down making difficult my jogging efforts.  I bleed once a month and deal with the cramps from passing blood clots (yes, that happens) or the mood swings that make me want to "laugh-cry" throughout the day.  I know that creepy feeling you get when you walk past one or multiple guys whose eyes you can feel slowly assessing your assets.  Yes, womanhood is a beautiful thing and I can understand why someone would see the positives (i.e. fabulous clothing options, hair, makeup, freedom to be playful and girly) and want this life.  But it ain't all it's cracked up to be.  There is a lot that goes with it.

So when I say she is a bit too feminine, it's because her stance and walk and demeanor is so sharp that it looks rehearsed.  Like she has seen Mahogany one too many times, studying Diana's every move and nuances.  I commend her either way for upholding the external virtues of being a lady.  I support her as my sister, no matter what genitalia she was originally gifted.  But in seeing her, it reminds me of how little (still) is known about this womaness life and journey.  How the outer shell does not fully complete the sentence:  I am woman...