She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Eating Sadness

I have been doing the 'Daniel Fast' for 2 weeks now.  This diet, which requires fasting from such foods as meat, seafood, all animal bi-products (including eggs and dairy, but with the exception of minimal honey), sugars/sweeteners (the hardest one yet), leavened bread, caffeine and alcohol, is a total of 21 days.  I have a little over 7 days left.  I did this diet 2-3 years ago, but felt more prepared than I am now.  The fast is based on Daniel in the the Bible (Click for verses).  So my first go 'round was with the church.  Although I have tried to increase my prayer and meditation during this time, my prayer life has admittedly suffered.  Maybe because my intentions are more about getting into my bikini in Mexico, than sacrificing for the Lord.

The fast has worked in increasing the pounds I had already started shedding.  But I have noticed some things this time around.  Number one, when I first started I acquired a low-humming headache, which did not subside for several days.  I chalked this up to me no longer indulging in my coffee 'needs'.  Then came the dreams.  I typically have bizarre dreams while refreshing my eggs (take that however you need to, I couldn't think of a more tactful way of describing it- my apologies); but I am still dreaming a week later.  Sometimes my dreams increase when I have things on my mind and I am anxious or excited, scared or nervous and especially when I am depressed.

This leads me to my next point, I have been very 'bluesy' lately.  I argued with my mother.  The Gift has gotten on my nerves with his perceived 'neglect'.  And I find myself ready for bed throughout my workday.  I cannot stay up past 9:30pm without lots of stimulation.  I am an early bird, but sometimes there does not seem to be any reason for my nodding off at 8pm.  I have cried myself to sleep these past few nights and I wake in the wee hours of the morning, say about 1 or 2am feeling emotionally empty.  I feel needy and childish.  Is there some link to me dieting and my emotional state? I had to research this and find out.  Apparently, I need to increase my serotonin intake.  I can get this through whole wheat and rolled oats.  According to an article I read on, I may be leaving myself a 'pleasure void'.  I am sure this could be eradicated with more exercise, but who has energy for that when you can cry yourself into a good 2 hour, midday nap?

Yes, that may be the answer.  I am neglecting myself of the food pleasures that I enjoy so much.  I watched a woman walk down Jackson Blvd downtown so seductively eating a Rolo McFlurry- whore!  Do not even consume yourself with how I knew it was Rolo McFlurry and not a Twix McFlurry.  Just know that she gave me a look, that let me know the look I was giving her was pretty perverted.  Only it wasn't her I was checking for.  No, I wanted that McFlurry.  In my bed, while I watched 'Breaking Bad'.  Have I asked my friends to eat their artichoke and spinach cheese dip slow, not wasting a drop?  Yes.  Did I instruct the Gift to drink his Leinenkugel Lemon Berry Shandy with more love and tenderness?  Yes.  My mouth watering as I watched the gulps go down his throat.  Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have a problem.  I have one more week and it feels like Christmas.  I won't overindulge, I mean, there's no sense in totally crashing.  But I do have a few things on my list:  fish- of any kind, cheese- the sharper the better and butter- what I would do for butter right about now.  I dream of meatball subs and rib tips.  I would like to taste a good lamb chop.  The countdown continues.

Confessions of a sad dieter.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Summer Madness

Stevie Wonder once sang about a love lost in summer.  In his emotional, "I Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer", he speaks to someone who has left him cold and alone during a time that was meant for love and warmth.  This song always makes me cry.  Only Stevie can leave you drained of emotion with his voice that rings of real heartache and pain.  I thought of this song today as I quietly mourn the loss of the summer season itself.  I am a Chicagoan.  I have lived here most of my life.  I understand that after summer, comes autumn and after autumn, comes winter.  Although I like a season change to keep things fresh, I get so down during the winter months.  When the temperature cools, so do my lighthearted, 'I can conquer the world' feelings.  I feel less inclined to get out and be active.  I tend to get the blues more frequently and I feel stifled by the fashion options. 

I love the summer and this weekend marked the unofficial close of the 2012 season.  I am bummed, truly.  My overwhelming thought this weekend?  What exactly did I do this summer?  When I stop and survey the season, I have to admit that I had a pretty good time, but I, as always, feel as though I could have done more.  Why can't the summer season be just a little bit longer, say, a month or two?  Oh, yeah, I remember.  It is because I live in a unforgiving cold climate region that does not allow for outdoor activities past the month of August. 

The summer has it's downsides, like how the crime rate skyrockets in the warmer weather.  Even the thugs are too cold to act a fool in winter.  I do look forward to that part of winter.  But I still like to take my chances and enjoy the sweltering heat, the hot sun and the music that tends to be everywhere (or maybe just in my head).  I want a longer summer!  Yes, I know I attended 2 Cubs games, traveled to Las Vegas and L.A., attended countless parties, sipped cocktails in a many juke joints, hung out after hours with nothing more than shorts and a tank top, lost track of time as daylight lingered well passed 7pm all while letting my toes breathe- but I want more!!

What do I think is leaving with summer?  That footloose and fancy free feeling when the sunlight kisses me awake despite myself.  The invincible, head-lifted walk that comes with summer.  The random fun that seems to spring up more often during the months of June, July and August.  Yes, I am sad and I have the blues.  As usual, I guess I will have to create my own summer.  Or just endure until next year.

In the words of Stevie, ...

No, I never dreamed you'd leave in summer
But now I find my love has gone away
Why didn't you stay?