She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

That's What Friends Are For...

Per Women are hardwired to crave close friendships, and these bonds can provide us with unique benefits. Here, a few things researchers have recently uncovered about the power of friendships.

The friendship effect: Mountains become molehills
How it works: In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers asked participants to stand at the base of a steep hill and estimate how tough it would be to climb. Those standing with a friend gauged the ascent to be less steep compared with those who were alone.
What's more... The longer the study participants had known their friends, the more gentle they estimated the incline to be. (

With that said, I have been quite ungrateful lately. I have spent so much time concerning myself with individuals and friends who have not called, answered my calls, texted, e-mailed, Facebook'ed, stopped by to visit or anything of the sort, that I forgot the friends who have. The friends who have listened to me whine, cry, holler and cuss. Those whose nerves I have stepped on, on so many occasions, but who have never turned their backs. Those I can give any random 'assignment' to, and they don't even flinch or question it. The friends who tell me things they would never share with another, simply because they know I will not judge or repeat it.

The past few weeks, months even, there have been two people I previously considered myself to be close with, who seemingly dropped off the planet. After unanswered or non-returned calls and texts, it occurred to me, I had been dismissed to some extent. I was no longer in these individuals' favor. I had offended or pissed each off in some way. I felt bad. With both, I speculated what I had done to cause this. In an effort to make things better I would call and invite them to different outings and such. Neither seemed interested or available.

I had begun to get sad. I have never been the type to have an abundance of friends. I have a hard time getting along with my familial peers (two cousins have deleted me from their Facebook pages), let alone people not related to me. I spend a decent amount of time completely alone. And I will admit, I sometimes find it hard to relate to others. When I do get close to someone, it never seems to last. My friendships and romantic relationships alike seem to burn bright and fast, before smoldering and finally fizzling. Since I am the common denominator of all of these relationships, my thought was, it's me.

In the midst of my pity party, a still, small voice said to me: stop complaining about the friends who aren't calling. You've got an assortment of friends who are calling! It is true. I have good friends who I have been active with, who I talk to all the time and who genuinely provide me with love, understanding and pure joy. So what is all the fuss about? In the words of Madea, via my best friend Antoine: learn to separate your friends into categories, you have your roots, your trunks, your branches and leaves. So in that spirit, here are some awesome friendly interactions I have had, the last few weeks:

I owe my best friend, nearly $500 which I am grateful I have it to give back. I am more grateful he gave it to me in the first place. Furthermore, he never sweated me about the repayment. Thank you

My good and 'old' friend Octavia, who just gave me my birthday gift last night, and as usual, it was perfect. Thank you for knowing me.

Nicole, my favorite 'ride or die chick'. She is the closet person in my life, whose life is the most like mine. Thank you

April, who is going through this natural hair transition with me. You keep me motivated. Thank you

Alexis, her sense of humor and intelligence is unmatched. Thank you

Tonisha, you are always so encouraging. Thank you

I can go on and on. This should be my focus, not mess.


  1. My reason for not calling is purely about me, and my insecurities. I always feel like I call at the wrong time. I'm scared to interrupt someone's busy and important life, and imagine them looking at the phone, sighing, and rolling their eyes. Time passes, and I drift further away from people who I love. This is stupid. If it isn't a good time, they probably won't answer. Anyway, you have been on my mind. I AM going to call you!

  2. Awww Maya. Thanks being open about what you are feeling... This is so a reminder that we are all human and we do have feelings and emotions. As the seasons in our life change so does our trees. Our roots get stronger, while our leaves which can be our outside appearance can change with weather and time. But our core which be viewed as roots is what makes us who we are. It’s what keeps us going and helps us, guides us, and was our faith is. I love that Tyler Perry play that talks about the tree.

    Thanks for sharing