She Hate Me

There is a girl I know. We are cool. In fact, today someone referred to us as 'girls'. I would not go that far, but a shallow friendship has blossomed. When I first met and started talking to the girl, she was nice enough, fun and easy to talk to. She is a major chatterbox, and that was okay with me, for awhile at least. Here is the 'problem'. She is quite 'urban', as my South African friend used to say. Although I am not against that per se, there are times when I have to draw a line in the sand.

For instance, playfully calling me bitch a little sooner than what would be naturally, if at all tolerable. Or saying, 'shut up', a little to often. Or, 'I hate you'. You know, little things ghetto boys and girls say to each other. I am not sure what part of the hood experience and environment makes everything hateful and annoying. Maybe it's the lack of adequate shelter, healthy food choices or well-equipped and proper schools. Whatever the case and I am sure there are many psychological and sociological causes and effects; but I am no expert, nor do I wish to delve into those issues now. All I will say is, I swear this girl hates me!

Now, you might say, 'hate' is such a strong word. Yes, I know. But it is also on a parallel street with love. Hate is not the opposite of love, in contrast, to some degree it rides right along side of love. The ex-boyfriends that I cannot stand the most, are the ones with whom I allowed myself to lose all self control. The ones I thought I could never live without. The friends that stir up the most negative emotions with me are the ones I feel betrayed me or left me behind for no 'good reason'. You sometimes have to be close enough to a person, admire them deeply to be able to hate them. The girl I speak of, hates me.

It is in the way she looks at me when I speak. That, 'shut up bitch!' expression. Or how defensive she gets when I disagree with her ridiculous logic. When I have an opinion, she goes out of her way to dispute my argument. Furthermore, that superficial smile! Yet, she still wants me around. She is a total frenemy!

I finally today verbalized my feelings about her to another friend. It was the first time I was able to say it aloud, I do not 'think she likes me'. Now that I have said it, I am okay. Because, I do not like, or trust for that matter, her either. But in my quest to start accepting people for who they are and not letting that deter me from being or trying to be good, I am not going to 'drop' her in my old MJ fashion. Instead, I will accept her for who she is and keep her at a comfortable distance for us both.

Yeah, she might hate me, but I don't.