The Outsider

At lunch today, in O Magazine's LYBL (Live Your Best Life) article entitled Becoming Unafraid featuring Donna Brazile, I read a quote that I cannot shake: If everyone likes you, it probably means you aren't saying much. I have often thought this, but never had the words to articulate how I felt. Even as a young girl, I recognized that the people whom EVERYBODY liked, were either extremely unhappy and lonely or phony as hell! Whatever the case, I was never one of them. I have always been the person quick to get picked on, or talked about. I have been misunderstood and misinterpreted.

Although I am mature now and know the benefits to being both diplomatic and blunt, I still suffer from insecurities that puzzle even me. For instance, Facebook, the devil's workshop. There is a group of us from high school that are connected on FB. However, there are people on FB that are 'friends' of my 'friends' but not 'friends' with me. Why have they not requested me? I know they see me commenting!...They know we have mutual friends...We all went to school together... The better question is: why do I care?? I mean, never once have I reached out to these people! I am annoyed by people that I either don't like, don't care about and would not talk to anyway.

As a 30-year-old woman, why is this on my mind? Because deep down most, if not all of us are still shadows of our former childhood selves. We 'act' grown, but we are still these vulnerable kids who want to be accepted, loved and nurtured. The more I mature and gain God given wisdom, the less these things are important to me. Whenever I feel myself getting caught up in Junior High Facebook ridiculousness, I shut it down. My sanity does not need to be lost in order to create a lone internal beef with MYSELF!

I continue to express myself, but make a point of censoring my thoughts as well, BEFORE they come out of my mouth. I don't just sit quiet, but I know the virtues of silence. I laugh when I want to and cry when I need to. When I speak, no matter how short the phrase, I want to always have 'much' to say.