The Same Plate

Two cute things occurred last night, I had to share...so bare with me:

1. Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, nude, with the door open, I say to Mr. Ghana, "I look good naked." He's in the dining room doing his homework. he looks up and responds, "Yeah, I know. I always tell you this." CLASSIC. P.S. Don't ask why I don't have any clothes on, I've already explained how I have no air. Plus, I'm a grown ass woman!

2. Mr. Ghana asks me if I've ever eaten from the same plate with someone. Now this is something we have done previously. I thought he just wanted to share his food. But apparently, in Ghana, couples (married or otherwise) not as a rule, but a socially accepted way of eating, eat from the same plate together. After I cooked, I asked if he was hungry, then in a typical I was raised in the 80s American fashion fixed myself a plate, went into the bedroom (on my bed no less- that's how I role) and watched Mad Men.

I'm learning, I'm learning. The time we did share food, I wasn't hungry and told him this. He said: "we are not eating because we are hungry, we are eating because we are happy". Ummm...is Ghana a direct link to my ancestors?? Because that is sooo me! I challenge you to share a regular meal with your mate. Let me know the results. Happy eating!

Aloe Blacc - I Need A Dollar (Official Video)

Hot as Hades

Chicago is having one of it's typical hot and muggy summers. I welcome this, because I am not a fan of the cold weather. However, the downside for me with the hot and sticky summer is, that ever since I moved out of my parent's house and have lived on my own, I have never EVER owned an air-conditioner. This may seem unbearable and crazy, but for five years, I have relied on open windows, my penchant for in-house nudity, fans, cold showers and ice cold water. This is not as bad as it sounds. Except there is this one issue that looms every season...the loud 'ninjas' that live next door! Listen, I am all for section 8 and integrating neighborhoods, but these fools bar-b-que EVERYday! They play there V-103, cuss the 43 random kids out and talk loudly about everything from how one of them bought a House of Dereon outfit that's too small that made her want to "beat Beyonce's ass!" to the 16-year-old girl who thinks 'she's grown' because she has a baby. My bedroom window is nearest to their back porch. I don't know how many people live in that building or at least in that one apartment, but it sounds like at least 62! They have a favorite person Shirley whose name they call often (she's a gemini like me so she gets a pass for being annoying; I know this because they celebrated her birthday around my birthday...I digress). There's a man who seems to represent for the male population and I'd be foolish to think there isn't plenty of alcohol. Have I ever had the desire to shout shut the F*%k up!? Yes! But, I think all 96 of them would scale my building to my 3rd floor apartment and commence to whoop my a$$! So I simply turn my T.V. up louder and raise my voice when talking on the phone. When my friend asks who is in my apartment at midnight, I just tell him, the 'people in the alley'. He responds, in shock, "they are outSIDE'. Yep! But forever on my nerves!

'Business Casual'

Last week I was given my 90 day review at work. This is never good for me, never! But among some of my usual offenses, at ANY job, I was told that although the company's dress code is business casual, I needed to lean more toward the business and let my clothes reflect a more conservative look. Apparently, the natural, free and expressive gemini that I am, has been a little to casual. Here's the problem, I have often had a hard time with this concept. I love bright colors and form-fitting clothes and absolutely detest what I like to refer to as modern-day corporate-plantation monkey suits! But alas, such is life. I can dress the part, but it takes so much concentration not to pick up the vibrant blue paisley dress. Or a dramatically ruffled sleeveless top (I think I am going to pull that off in the near future). Oh and by the way, it was explained that even casual Fridays are not open to me....argh! So I had to do some soul searching. How much do I like and more importantly need this job? The answer for both is: a lot. So I bought a skirt and sling-backs and set out to coordinate a new dress code for myself, along with a new attitude. So with one week down, what was my grade??? Perfect score! The funny thing is I got so many compliments on my attire. The best one came today. I wore some wide-legged bell bottomed tan pants, a light purple 1/4 length sleeve button up, my chocolate brown croc print pumps, a leopard print classic sweater (buttoned) and my, as Octavia calls it, Salt-N-Pepa goldish thick, but not too gaudy chain. I pulled the front piece of my hair back into a simple black barrette and put my face on to set it all off. My absolute real-live fashion hero. The woman whose closet I would love to raid. The person who, if she ever held a garage sale, I'd be there at 6am sharp and volunteer if need be to get first dibs on all of her uber-fab clothes...yeah her...she said, and I nearly quote: I'm loving this, the color combination, the chain, everything, you look really good. O-M-G!!!!!! She is hands down the best dressed PERSON in the entire office. It meant so much to me, I beamed for about an hour. But she wasn't the only one, I have been noticed by both men and women in the office this week, saying things like: I've noticed your conservative look lately, I'm diggin' it or Maya always looks nice, she's got that Michelle Obama thing going on. What I learned this week though, beyond all else is, I not only looked better, I felt better and more confident. My attitude changed when I took better pride in my appearance. I feel like they even respected me more, which is always a plus. So cheers to all the corporate girls holding it down and still looking fly while doing so!

Wedding Bells...For Real???

Okay, as a random thought, last night I had the most vivid dream that I was getting married. The funny thing is my parents picked out everything from the food to the wedding dress. In the dream I was apprehensive with this, but everything was perfect. The dress my Mom picked was beautiful and the my Dad's food selection was excellent. The funny thing is that this dream had two parts. At first I was marrying to the gentleman I am dating now. But by the end of the dream I was marrying the British rugby player Gareth Thomas. I have no idea what this means or says about my chances of marriage. Maybe it has something to do with the Real Sports episode I watched recently featuring Thomas' story. Either way, the dream was very interesting...P.S. I was happy as hell in both scenarios! Have a great Friday people!

The Arizona Mess

Why is everyone so shocked and up in arms about the Arizona immigration law? Shouldn't we be used to Arizona being racist and behind the curve? Have we all forgotten how they were one of the last two states (New Hampshire) to support and observe Martin Luther King Day? The then Sen. John McCain voting against it initially. He and other officials changed their minds (at least publicly) when the Super Bowl XXVII, in response to this, decided to pull out of it's already scheduled Tempe location and instead opted to hold the game in Pasendena, CA. Arizona seems to be behind a lot when it matters. Especially when it comes to issues of people of color. Just something to think about...

CTA Follies

On both trips going to and coming from work I stood up. My favorite spot is standing over the luggage pin. I have mastered holding on and reading at the same time. Sometimes I simply look out the window and other times I play my music. Whatever the case, I have discovered I much more prefer this standing position then sitting wedged in between two people. Okay so here's my real gripe: I am so sick of people taking up two seats! Now mind you, I do not discriminate too tough of my juicier counterparts. However, the seats on the bus and train are rather small and do not accommodate the average larger person. This is not really that healthier person's fault. But at the same time...neither is it mine. As hot as it is, and as tight as these buses get, it is so annoying. Some people, I believe, revel in the fact that no one will or can sit next to them. They enjoy their extra hip room. Until I come along and squeeze my hips right in between or next to them. I usually get that unmistakable feeling that my fellow passenger is giving me a gigantic sigh on the inside. But you know what??? I paid for a seat too. And if there is no barometer to tell you it's time to slow down on the Oreo cookies (I ate about 8 myself today...don't tell nobody), it's the CTA seat! So when I do not feel like being a pain in some poor commuter's side (literally) I just stand.

Woman set disabled boyfriend on fire: prosecutors :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Chicago Crime

Woman set disabled boyfriend on fire: prosecutors :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Chicago Crime

So I heard this story this morning while getting ready for work. Ummm okay...I don't even know where to start...but the thing that stands out the most to me is she had JUST returned home at 3 a.m. after 'working the streets'. Sounds like somebody had a bad night at work...Second point and I'm going to leave it alone...the article describes the man as being disabled; he uses a cane to walk. However, when she got that fire burning, he is described to have 'ran' to the door.

Now make no mistakes, elder abuse is no laughing matter. I truly pray for this man and his family. I even pray that the alleged attacker will be blessed with remorse and sense. Having said all of that, Chicago has some crazy crime stories! Wouldn't you agree?

By the way, hug someone elderly this week.

The Language Barrier

I have recently started dating someone. You could say he is my boyfriend. He is originally from Ghana and very nice. Having only been here for about 2 years, his English can be a bit shaky at times. I have to go as far as asking him to spell certain words he’s trying to say and he will ask me to ‘break it down’ sometimes when I use a phrase that does not make sense to him. We spend a great deal of time saying ‘what?’ and ‘what do you mean?’.

The language barrier forces us to be patient and very deliberate when we speak. I benefit because as someone who is still mastering the English language, he says what he means and means what he says. Instead of dealing with dudes hiding their feelings and playing verbal and mental games, I have someone who, whether by force or on purpose, speaks his mind. In the past I have dated brothas who use ambiguous terms like: we’re cool or let’s take it easy and see what happens. Then look at you crazy when you start dating someone else.

Mr. Ghana says: I like you a lot. You make me feel proud. I am sooo happy right now. I felt good today thinking about our conversation last night. I am missing you already. To which I respond honestly myself. Which is something I usually do, but it blows up in my face. Or I find myself being just as conniving as the person I’m talking to.

I don’t know where this relationship will go, but I like the way it’s starting. I feel freer, because I’m not wound up trying to interpret bullshit! In English no less! I’m not second guessing my actions or words. I don’t feel guilty or lame for calling back-to-back. In fact he usually answers the phone with a reason for why he could not answer initially. I feel grateful to have someone, no matter the color or culture, just be nice. It makes this dating/mating ‘game’ so much more fun and bearable.

The Outsider

At lunch today, in O Magazine's LYBL (Live Your Best Life) article entitled Becoming Unafraid featuring Donna Brazile, I read a quote that I cannot shake: If everyone likes you, it probably means you aren't saying much. I have often thought this, but never had the words to articulate how I felt. Even as a young girl, I recognized that the people whom EVERYBODY liked, were either extremely unhappy and lonely or phony as hell! Whatever the case, I was never one of them. I have always been the person quick to get picked on, or talked about. I have been misunderstood and misinterpreted.

Although I am mature now and know the benefits to being both diplomatic and blunt, I still suffer from insecurities that puzzle even me. For instance, Facebook, the devil's workshop. There is a group of us from high school that are connected on FB. However, there are people on FB that are 'friends' of my 'friends' but not 'friends' with me. Why have they not requested me? I know they see me commenting!...They know we have mutual friends...We all went to school together... The better question is: why do I care?? I mean, never once have I reached out to these people! I am annoyed by people that I either don't like, don't care about and would not talk to anyway.

As a 30-year-old woman, why is this on my mind? Because deep down most, if not all of us are still shadows of our former childhood selves. We 'act' grown, but we are still these vulnerable kids who want to be accepted, loved and nurtured. The more I mature and gain God given wisdom, the less these things are important to me. Whenever I feel myself getting caught up in Junior High Facebook ridiculousness, I shut it down. My sanity does not need to be lost in order to create a lone internal beef with MYSELF!

I continue to express myself, but make a point of censoring my thoughts as well, BEFORE they come out of my mouth. I don't just sit quiet, but I know the virtues of silence. I laugh when I want to and cry when I need to. When I speak, no matter how short the phrase, I want to always have 'much' to say.