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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

My Body's Betrayal

I don't feel stressed.  I don't think I'm stressed.  But every time certain topics come to mind.  Or certain individuals approach me about certain topics.  Or just the thought of being in a situation where certain individuals would approach me about said certain topics come to mind, my eye twitches.  At first I thought this was just a random twitch of the eye that has occurred in the past for no apparent reason.  But it won't stop.  I finally admitted to myself that it may be more than a sporadic reflex of the body when someone asked me a question, or rather made a suggestion that annoyed me.  When the conversation concluded, tears started forming in my eyes and it was confirmed:  I might have a problem. 

I researched this eye twitching online and apparently the remedy is to relax or get more sleep.  Dr. Oz disputes the stress theory and says it's the body's way of producing more tears for dry eyes. But because of the timing of the twitching- thoughts of unpleasantness, thoughts of potential unpleasantness, thoughts of how to avoid unpleasantness- I feel there is a direct connection.  My body is signaling to me that something is wrong. 

Besides the twitching, I have been dreaming every night.  Dreams are not bad necessarily, but dreaming does mean you are closer to the surface of conciousness, therefore, not in a deep enough sleep to completely rest.  This leaves me tired in the mornings when I awake.  My uncle, the therapist, prescribes relaxing.  But how does one relax when there are so many negative thoughts penetrating my mind?  I am good at relaxing, don't get me wrong.  I put the "re" in relaxing!  But the more mellow I am, the easier it is for certain thoughts to creep into a seemingly empty brain.  I will still give it a try.  My mom's remedy is to eat healthier foods that will boost my energy and psyche.  So as I munch on this apple and look at the empty bowl that once held the raw salad (no dressing) I just devoured this morning, I am hoping for a miracle.

This twitching has to stop.  It is not only annoying, but it serves as a reminder that all is not well.  And that's not good.  As much as I want to put things together on the outside, like everything is okay, it apparently is not.  It took my body's 'betrayal' to tell me this.  Okay body, I'm listening now.  You have my full attention.

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