She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Are You Declawed?

Catty:  Deliberately hurtful in one's remarks; spiteful.
I have been referred to as catty twice in the past 3 weeks.  I do not like this assertion and find it unfounded.  I disagree with the synonymous nature of cattiness to womanhood.  As a woman, I feel I have the right to an opinion about a person or thing without it having an automatic negative connotation.  I do not like everything.  Nor am I a fan of everybody.  My being female does not dictate that everything I say, especially about other females, is nasty or negative.  If I call a woman out for her behavior no matter how mild or obnoxious it is, does not signal me having an issue with women.  I am in the company of women all the time and I am mature enough to make the distinction between someone I like and someone I can do without.
The person who proclaimed me to be catty, was none other than the Gift himself.  He dismissed my request to not be in the future company, if at all possible, of two separate women as me being catty.  And attributed it to some “woman/girl stuff” that he did not understand.  I will give him that.  There are things and/or violations that women can pick up on, that men are absolutely clueless to.  But in each case, one I previously mentioned in my post about *double dating, I feel I was right in my opinion of the situation.  When I brought it to the attention of other individuals, both men and women,  to get their thoughts, it was clear that I was not being catty, but had valid points.
What is the distinction between being catty and opinionated?  Where can we draw the line separating hurtful and spiteful comments, and the truth?  Do I have to always be the bigger person, inhaling and holding my tongue against ridiculousness?  When can I call a spade a spade?  Do I always have to smile and be the mirror image of a first lady, keeping all natural emotions under the surface?  Why is maturity parallel to shutting up and pretending?  Could it not be said that my maturation is further pushed forward when I have the guts to say what it is I feel?  On the flip, maybe I need to hold my cards tighter.  I, as mentioned in the double dating post, was quite assertive about my feelings towards an individual.  Because of the “witness” present, I do run the risk of having my proclamation repeated.  It could very well get back to the wrong person.  Then I would look like I have the problem, when in fact, she has the problem.  The next day, sobered up and a bit embarrassed by my alcohol soaked behavior, I spoke to my uncle about what happened.  What he said to me stuck and I return to it in my head when I have any doubts about my “cattiness”.  “You have come too far to go back.  If she wants to get on aboard, she will have to catch up.  But you can’t go backwards.”  Thank you and thank you!  In my two “catty” incidences, that is how I really felt deep down:  that I have surpassed that moment and that type of attitude.  I will no longer sit silent and burn within as bullsh*t occurs.  I have indeed passed those milestones.  I cannot meet a woman on several occasions and act like we have never met.  I am over that.  I used to be that way, nasty and mean spirited- unable to let things go or soften my mood to embrace a person on a new day.  I was in college then.  If you ask some of my schoolmates from that time, there is a relatively large population who still consider me a bitch.  So I understand that behavior; the insecurity that fuels it.  But again, that was several mile markers in the past.  I don’t want to stoop to anyone’s stunted level, playing along idly just to avoid the title of catty.  If it is catty for me to openly affirm that certain individuals don’t make the ‘cut’, then let me meow.

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