She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Seek and You Will Find

At about 7:15 am, I sat in my car waiting for it to thaw. I was headed to church and had my bible. I used the time to seek a message. You see there have been some things on my mind recently. Some, more conscious than others. But I believe I have pinpointed what the stand out theme is. After spending the majority of 2010 single, I am ready to settle down and grow within a healthy relationship. In an effort to let God know that I am serious, I have begun to focus my prayers on this aspect, I mean really focus. Mainly because, within the past year I have simply been doing me, without really worrying about a partner. I have gotten to know myself and sometimes feel the most comfortable by myself. Recently I have had some dreams that upon further meditation, lead me to believe there is a major lesson God is trying to get me to understand. The man you are looking for, most likely will not be rummaging through your house at night (fingers crossed). You have to go out and meet people again. You have to interact and trust people again. You must leave the comfort of your home sometimes. If you desire a relationship, you must take care in not becoming complacent with your current predicament of singleness.

The scripture that came to me was Psalm 34:4 which begins: I sought the Lord, and he answered me. It touched me so much I sent the scripture to a few people via text. It was a message. Then in church, the scripture highlighted was Luke 11:5-13. This passage among other things states: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Okay, so here I stand, bold enough to say that I am seeking, knocking and asking.

But that's where I get insecure. I want to make sure what I seek is right, righteous. I know for a fact that God will provide. In the past I have asked for things and got exactly that. For instance, my last serious boyfriend was EXACTLY what I had asked God for, and let me tell you, he was an absolute MESS! What I learned was, what I wanted was not always in my best interest. I asked for a man with a good job, he was a chemical engineer and so busy with work he never had time for me. I wanted someone who made 'good money' and handled it well. He did, but he was stingy with it. While my salary at that time was a good $50K less than his, and I was struggling, eating canned sardines at times for dinner. This dude was sitting on, in his words, about $20K in savings. He was a family man, but his family took precedence over me every time. I wanted someone who was single with no kids. He did not have children, but his mentality was definitely that of a single man. Never surrendering to the relationship.

What I sought was all wrong. I should have asked God for a thoughtful man of God. A man who loved me unconditionally. I brotha who enjoyed being with me. A giving and honest man. A true partner in this life. I will never doubt what God can do for me, but as I grow wiser in my walk, I ask him to make my most critical decisions. I let him know what I want, but asks that he will sweep my heart and see my deepest desires. On the surface, I am asking for a man who is financially stable, but in essence, the key is stability. I can struggle alone. When I say I desire a thoughtful man, what I want is someone who thinks of me and considers my thoughts, my joys, my pain. When I say I want a 'good man', the core of that statement is I want a friend. Someone I can be proud of, someone who encourages me to be my best. Someone who steadily progresses.

Yes, I will continue to seek. I will continue to ask. And yes, here I stand God, knocking. I know you hear me. My prayer is that you bless this child of yours with the patience to wait for what it is that YOU will. For that seems to be the best solution in all issues and problems. Whether it's through internet dating, walking down the street or through a hookup. I want what is best by YOUR standards.

Have you ever examined what it is you seek? Is it really what is best or just what YOU think is best?

1 comment:

  1. And he was I thought I was going to have to love some fat grandkids....