She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Friday, February 18, 2011

A Little Milk For Your Coffee?

Last night, I finally did it. I finally signed up for When I tell you I was nervous, while being excited at the same time, I am not even lying. I started with eHarmony, where I had previously completed a profile, but chickened out and did not pay for the service. When I went back to the site last night and completed the survey and profile questionnaire, I discovered that the fee for love was a bit too steep for my tastes. So I sauntered over to Match. It was there, that for a lot less, I created a profile.

I was so nervous. The picture alone had me second-guessing myself. What picture do I post? My hair is natural and I normally wear a nappy-funky 'fro. If not, twists. Do men like that? I may straighten it from time to time, if they like my hair natural, maybe they won't like it straight. What picture most accurately shows what I look like? I don't want to falsely advertise myself. I wanted to post a picture from Cancun that shows me from a distance kicking my leg; it was fun, flirty, but not overtly sexual. The Match system rejected it. I learned your profile picture has to be a facial close-up. Okay, I can respect that. The system instead chose a better picture from the few I had uploaded.

So, the picture is picked and I have completed my questionnaire. Now it's time for the 'matches' to start rolling in, right? I mean, I only have a month. Let's get this thing started! Match comes up with about twelve potential 'matches' soon after my profile was complete. When I saw who was chosen, the men that at least twice completely matched me, I almost screamed! With the exception of a few, they were all white! If Match is correct, my 'perfect match' is white, Jewish and/or Christian Catholic men between the ages of 29-42. What the hell!!?? The few brothas that were 'mutual matches' were all from Naperville and looked like the type who only date anything but Black women.

On the flip side, the men who's requirements I matched, most of them were brothas. But they were only 70% matches! What does that say about what I want in a man? I'm perfect for brothas, but not so much the other way around? Here I am always seeking brothas, but could the man that meets my needs be a nice Jewish boy from Lincoln Park? Have I been blocking my own blessings, because I can only imagine being with a certain package?

This comes on the heels of at least three friends suggesting I expand my 'search' and open myself up to men of other ethnic groups. Antoine, my best friend, has flat out said, he feels that's who I will most likely end up settling down with. It's hard to believe considering I feel like I'm so, fist in the air, afro-wearing soul sista with a '70s Blaxploitation edge. But I guess that's not what everyone else sees.

So I've had a couple of 'winks' and even chatted with a guy who's opening chat line was: 'are you into older white guys?' that you mention I will not respond to nonsense, and in an effort to ease my ego's concerns my initial reaction was to change my search requirements. Lighten up about the 'a few extra pounds' option. No, because my experience is, a few extra pounds starts to lean towards fat. I don't want that right now. The more I think about it, I'm not going to change at all. I will not lower my standards so that I can be popular. Or 'popular' even in 'real life.' I will be specific with my 'can't stands' or 'must haves'.

I'll keep you posted. But for now, I'm giving myself the option and permission to add a little cream in my coffee.

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