It's a muscle, you have to work it.

This week I had a house guest from Brooklyn, NY. She had come to town, so that we could go to the Oprah show, for which she scored two tickets. She got in Monday evening and I dropped her off at the airport this morning. I am usually leery about people in my space, but she was a very good house guest. I enjoyed her company. My friend is a good and easygoing conversationalist. As you know, I love to gab myself, so you can imagine the conversations. Also a single woman, she has a lot on her mind regarding men as I do. One of the things we both discussed, was our desire to be completely single this season. Meaning, not just being single, but actively embracing it. I know, I know, I'm always talking about dating and such, but I really need an absolute break. My girl discussed an idea of a popular Christian family she follows. The notion is, to not think about men, don't see them in any other way than them just being men. The goal is to only have your sights on Jesus. Which of course means thinking of His goodness, being grateful for what you have, keeping your thoughts on humanity, your friends and family.

This seemed easy enough. I would use this time to be reflective. I would not concern myself with things I cannot control. Let me be the first to tell you, this is hard. I did not realize how often I think of men. Boyfriends of the past, boyfriends in my dreams, not to mention all potential husbands. It occurred to me in the few days I have tried this experiment, that all I do is think about men, marriage and kids. Every man I encounter, I am picturing them as my husband. Okay, not every man, but every decent man. I think to myself, is this whom God has for me? Is this how I will meet my husband? At the grocery store? I envision, for a hot minute that I am married to the stranger on the bus, or the policeman writing tickets, even the FedEx brotha.

Now that I am consciously making an effort not to do this, I realize how hard it is. I am trying my best to keep my eyes on the real prize. I pray it will get easier. Regardless, this is a good exercise of discipline and faithfulness.