What you just read was an exchange between myself and a woman whose supposed man’s FB page I commented on. I say supposed because I had never heard of this girl as he has never mentioned her and prior to this, I never noticed her on his page. We will refer to her as MD. My friend’s original post was made on Aug 3rd; the same day I responded. Some 8 days later, she adds her 2 cents. Me being me, I had to get that final word. I wanted to be nicety enough to let her know she was out of order. I kept it mature and did not lose my crown in the process. I got the phrase 'lose my crown' from my dad. When I still lived at home with him, he would say to me sometimes, 'don't lose your crown', on my way out to hang with my friends. At the time I simply took it as, 'don't be out there on no ho shit.' But as I got older I realized my 'crown' was an all-encompassing metaphor for my dignity, sanity, womanhood, lady-like nature and overall cool.
Here is my issue and question. And before I start, know that I am saying this as a woman who has done some comparable stupid things myself in the past. Why do women do this? Here is a woman on her man’s page, searching and scouring, for something, anything. When she finds something that catches her eye, she immediately confronts me, publicly no less. However, her first response should have been to ask him who I was. As I am sure she does not know all of his FB ‘friends’. Plus, he is her man, not me. He and I have never been intimate and besides the occasional harmless flirty text, there is absolutely nothing going on between us. He lives in New York, there’s not that much I can do. She played herself.
We all get jealous. I have had to pray myself out of a jealous rage on many occasions. But when I became a woman. A GROWN woman; I learned not to let others see that jealously. It makes you look and sound inferior. It totally gives power to the person your jealously is pointed towards. In that single exchange, she confirmed to anyone who might be wondering, that their ‘relationship’ is not only not solid, but lacks trust. Maybe it’s me, but there was nothing in my response to his post that I feel was disrespectful, or crossed any line. But she read it that way. She is obviously insecure about her status as his woman.
Furthermore, while we are on the subject of statuses; I detest terms like ‘hubby’ and ‘wifey’. Particularly when the couple is not actually married. In this day and age, just about anyone can get married if they so choose, straight, gay, young, old, hell a while back a woman married her house for goodness sake. Why give someone a title they do not deserve and have not earned? I think it’s tacky and childish.
Finally, this morning I received a semi-routine ‘good morning’ text from my friend, her ‘hubby’, that went like this: ‘Good Morning dear...hope all is well...Have a funtabulous day’. I used this as a chance to remind him of my previous text asking him about MD. I asked if he had gotten a chance to see the exchange and was it still okay for me to post on his page as I did not want to ruffle any feathers. His response: ‘I meant to get back to you about it...my apologies darling...Of course you can.’ Humph...if she only knew.
Ironically, it was also today that I realized she had sent me an inbox message on the 13th. See below.
"Don't let your crown slip" may be my new favorite phrase; I really MUST meet your dad next I'm in town, he just amazes me!
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of something Barbara Kingsolver once said about growing up (I'm paraphrasing here): I learned the womanly art of toning it down. Sadly, many women never pick this up. Since much of how we're regarded in society is based on perception, whether it is true or not, you will be perceived as both immature and d-u-m when you lose yo shit.
Love it! "don't lose your crown" is my new catch phrase..especially since i have a 15-soontobe 16 year old daughter.
ReplyDeletei do wish that women would learn to address issues @ home prior to making the "where you with my man on thursday" phone calls. we are so confrontational with EACH OTHER, when we should be asking "hubby" the questions.
let's get it together ladies. my momma use to say "if you gotta ask, you already know".