She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Eating Sadness

I have been doing the 'Daniel Fast' for 2 weeks now.  This diet, which requires fasting from such foods as meat, seafood, all animal bi-products (including eggs and dairy, but with the exception of minimal honey), sugars/sweeteners (the hardest one yet), leavened bread, caffeine and alcohol, is a total of 21 days.  I have a little over 7 days left.  I did this diet 2-3 years ago, but felt more prepared than I am now.  The fast is based on Daniel in the the Bible (Click for verses).  So my first go 'round was with the church.  Although I have tried to increase my prayer and meditation during this time, my prayer life has admittedly suffered.  Maybe because my intentions are more about getting into my bikini in Mexico, than sacrificing for the Lord.

The fast has worked in increasing the pounds I had already started shedding.  But I have noticed some things this time around.  Number one, when I first started I acquired a low-humming headache, which did not subside for several days.  I chalked this up to me no longer indulging in my coffee 'needs'.  Then came the dreams.  I typically have bizarre dreams while refreshing my eggs (take that however you need to, I couldn't think of a more tactful way of describing it- my apologies); but I am still dreaming a week later.  Sometimes my dreams increase when I have things on my mind and I am anxious or excited, scared or nervous and especially when I am depressed.

This leads me to my next point, I have been very 'bluesy' lately.  I argued with my mother.  The Gift has gotten on my nerves with his perceived 'neglect'.  And I find myself ready for bed throughout my workday.  I cannot stay up past 9:30pm without lots of stimulation.  I am an early bird, but sometimes there does not seem to be any reason for my nodding off at 8pm.  I have cried myself to sleep these past few nights and I wake in the wee hours of the morning, say about 1 or 2am feeling emotionally empty.  I feel needy and childish.  Is there some link to me dieting and my emotional state? I had to research this and find out.  Apparently, I need to increase my serotonin intake.  I can get this through whole wheat and rolled oats.  According to an article I read on, I may be leaving myself a 'pleasure void'.  I am sure this could be eradicated with more exercise, but who has energy for that when you can cry yourself into a good 2 hour, midday nap?

Yes, that may be the answer.  I am neglecting myself of the food pleasures that I enjoy so much.  I watched a woman walk down Jackson Blvd downtown so seductively eating a Rolo McFlurry- whore!  Do not even consume yourself with how I knew it was Rolo McFlurry and not a Twix McFlurry.  Just know that she gave me a look, that let me know the look I was giving her was pretty perverted.  Only it wasn't her I was checking for.  No, I wanted that McFlurry.  In my bed, while I watched 'Breaking Bad'.  Have I asked my friends to eat their artichoke and spinach cheese dip slow, not wasting a drop?  Yes.  Did I instruct the Gift to drink his Leinenkugel Lemon Berry Shandy with more love and tenderness?  Yes.  My mouth watering as I watched the gulps go down his throat.  Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have a problem.  I have one more week and it feels like Christmas.  I won't overindulge, I mean, there's no sense in totally crashing.  But I do have a few things on my list:  fish- of any kind, cheese- the sharper the better and butter- what I would do for butter right about now.  I dream of meatball subs and rib tips.  I would like to taste a good lamb chop.  The countdown continues.

Confessions of a sad dieter.

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