She wants to lead the glamorous life!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Yeah, I'm a Flake!

It occurred to me today.  I am a flake.  It has taken me awhile to figure it out, but yeah, it's true.  I typically only do what I want to do, with the exception of things I have to do, like work.  What really irritates people is how much I embrace this part of me.

It all started a few years ago when I was hanging out with this crew of girls.  We were close, or at least I thought.  I was friends with one and by osmosis, became friends with her friends.  They were fun to go out and kick it with, but I never really felt like I fit in completely.  Yet, I still considered them to be my girls.

One day, my original friend, her best friend and I were hanging out.  I asked the best friend to give me a ride somewhere, where I cannot even remember.  Regardless, her response was a flat out 'no'.  She came up with some lame ass, but honest excuse about how it was out of her way and she did not feel like it.  At the time it really hurt my feelings.  Mainly because, thinking these were my 'girls', I had previously done things for her I did not feel like doing in the spirit of good friendship.  My question that day, while fuming to myself was, why?

She had every right to say no to my request.  She did not owe me anything.  Even if she did, it was her prerogative to be an absolute asshole.  I learned an important lesson that day:  do not waste your time making frivolous deposits into your imaginary reciprocity bank.  In other words, do good if you want to, do not get caught up in feeling obligated.  In the long run, you may never reap those 'benefits' back.  Your thoughtfulness may never be returned.  Do not hold it against people if they are not as considerate as you.  Furthermore, do what you want when you want.  Do not get caught up feeling pressure to be this or that.  It will only irk the shit out of you when the favor is not returned.

If someone asks me to do something, and I do not want to do it, I try my very best to be tactful, yet honest.  Let me be clear, sometimes, I opt to stay in and watch a movie or my DVR recordings.  Or maybe a book and a good soak in the bath seem more appealing.  I may choose to hang with someone else.  Whatever the case, that day that young lady said no to me, as if I had never gone out of my way for her, helped me realize, life is too short to try to please everyone.  Do not waste your time doing anything and your heart is not in it.

I have been known to withdraw from friends and family alike for simple disinterest.  My feelings may have not changed, just my attitude about the situation.  I am of course more aware of friends' actions in real life situations, not just within social gatherings.  I do, do things for people when I do not feel like it, but I make sure that it's what I really want to do and not because I expect it back someday.  I do not wear myself ragged trying to be everywhere for everybody.  So yes, I can be a flake sometimes.  You may even go as far as to say an asshole.

I'm so gifted at findin' what I don't like the most
So I think it's time for us to have a toast.- Kanye West, 'Runaway'


  1. Honesty is the best policy. If you don't feel up to something, unapologically say "no". No explanation needed.

  2. HA! boy have i learned this lesson lately. not the part about saying "no" to something i don't want to do - I seem to have that part down to a science. but the part about depositing into someone's account what i hope to withdraw later. it took me a while, but i finally realized that i am a much better friend, than my "friends" are to me.

    someone once told me that the only actions you can control are your own. so, i have begun being more in control of my actions. i don't jump to their rescue the way i use to. i don't rush to respond to their text or emails. i don't answer their calls, or return their missed call instantly. i dont feel obligated to attend their events, functions, or pity parties.

    and because of these small, controlled actions - my OWN emotional bank account is feeling quite full!

  3. You can't change what has happen to you, but you can change how you feel about what has happen to you. You're a butt hole/flake?

  4. It's funny how the two letter word "no" can have such an impact. However, it's even more amazing to know that even a Minion can teach you a life lesson..