Let's Get Happy

I recently asked life and career coach, Rosie Guagliardo, to answer some questions; I wanted her recommendations for those who have not quite kept their New Year's resolutions, people who struggle with wintertime blues and to find out how to deal with loneliness during what seems to be a never-ending cold and snow season.

Do you believe in New Year's Resolutions?
No, I actually don't believe in them.  The main reason New Year's Resolutions don't work is that they are often based on what you think you "should" do.  It feels like a forced effort based on an external reason (e.g., the start of a new year).  Research shows that only 8% of people achieve their resolutions, and that's because they are only pursued using willpower- which wanes over time.

Instead, what I recommend is thinking about what desired outcomes you'd like to experience.  This allows you to have a deeper connection to what you're pursuing and you can create an inspired plan to experience it.  For example, I used to make a New Year's resolution to lose ten pounds.  But, then I realized I really didn't care about weighing a certain amount.  What I did care about was having energy and feeling fit.  So, I refined my desired outcome to reflect those two desires.  Now my health goals are based on what I value, and I was more motivated to achieve them.  The result is that I feel better than ever.  (And the weight came off, too!)

Do you suggest a person set smaller goals for short periods of time throughout the year, or focus on one large goal to achieve per year?
I think focusing on a few smaller desired outcomes is best.  Then, you can break those down into what I call "process" goals that lead you to experiencing your main desired outcomes.  So, think of the baby steps you need to take on a daily basis.  Like an athlete who trains for his performance, think about what you need to do periodically to feel happier in the end.  Ideally, you can ritualize these actions or behaviors to make them consistent so you won't need willpower to succeed.

Smaller outcomes help reduce the chance of feeling failure, too.  But remember, life isn't about being perfect, so anticipate some failure and make space for recovery.  You might even want to reframe failure to focus on the effort you're making.  If you weren't trying, you couldn't fail!  It's just part of the process toward feeling happier.  And, stay in tune with your overall desired outcome by asking whether you're going in the right direction, even if there have been some setbacks along the way.

The holidays are over, most of us have already forgotten about or altered our 2014 goals.  What do you suggest for getting back on track with those resolutions which were so important just a few months ago?
You can start by reviewing them to confirm they're still appropriate for you.  Gaining clarity on what you want may take some time, so be patient.  If you feel that you can easily create goals (or desired outcomes) but sometimes have trouble pursuing them, it could be because the ones you created aren't what you genuinely want in your heart.  Or, they just need to be modified to be more in line with what you want.  There are several ways to confirm or refine your desired outcomes to ensure you feel happier and more excited about pursuing them.  Here are a few examples I've used:

• Ask yourself, "What is the purpose behind each outcome?  Is it something I want to pursue or feel like I have to pursue?"  If you feel that you "have" to pursue it, then get rid of it.  If it's an outcome you "want" to pursue, remind yourself of why it is important to you.
• If you feel that you haven't made much progress towards your desired outcomes, visualize how you want to feel and what you want your life to look like when you're achieved each one.  Use that vision to identify an incremental next step that will move you in the right direction.
• If you're still unmotivated to take next step toward your desired outcome, try to make that action step more fun.  For example, if you don't like exercising at the gym, bring a friend along who energizes you, or go for a hike instead.

And then, after you feel that your desired outcomes really resonate with you, make sure you have the structure and support needed to sustain the energy to achieve them.

Studies have shown that season depression does in fact exist.  What are some tips you can give to people who are having a hard time coping with the long winter months?  Everyone cannot get away for the season, what can a person whose budget or time will not permit traveling to a sunny tropical climate do to keep "sane"?

Obviously, getting the light you need (possibly through light therapy) along with proper nutrition and fitness makes a difference.  But, there are a few other ways to generate, maintain, and revitalize your energy.  One way to generate energy is to help others through volunteering.  Positive psychologists say volunteering helps provide you a sense of purpose by committing yourself to something outside of yourself.  You'll also create connections which can help safeguard you from feeling isolated and ultimately boost your mood.  Research actually shows that expressing compassion and generosity impacts your well-being, and reveals that when you give, the pleasure centers of the brain are activated (just like when you enjoy dessert or sex).

A way to maintain your energy is to visit with friends before you start feeling down.  Don't wait until you're feeling the effects of seasonal depression to reach out to friends.  They'll help you keep you good mood intact.

Finally, a way to revitalize your energy is to create and use a "Happy Box."  Remember that happiness isn't an absolute or a destination.  Instead of asking "Am I happy?" ask yourself "How can I be happier?"  Write down several actions you can take that make you feel happier (e.g. calling a friend, meditating, taking a bath, etc.) and put them in a box.  Whenever you're feeling disconnected from your best self or feeling down, reach for your "Happy Box" and do one of the things to feel happier!

Regarding both romantic and familial relationships in general, winter can feel lonely and isolating at times, what can single people or people who are away from loved ones do to keep their spirits up?

Because it's difficult being away from loved ones, it's so important to remain connected to them - even if only phone.  Connecting on a consistent basis will keep your spirits up because you can enjoy the anticipation of talking with them as well as the actual discussions.  Try to ritualize the behavior by planning ahead and blocking out time in your calendar to reach out to loved ones.

I'd also suggest contemplating what you love most about those relationships.  Is it how safe you feel, loved, inspired, or connected?  Whatever it is, take time to be grateful for those relationships and really feel the feelings associated with them.  A study by Robert Emmons and Michaels McCullough (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) revealed that people who focus on what they are grateful for are both emotionally and physically healthier.

If you keep thinking about what you're lacking, you'll keep noticing what you don't have, and you'll keep thinking you're not getting what you want.  If you shift your thoughts to focus on what you do have and what makes you happy, your brain will continue to notice the abundance in your life, leaving you feeling grateful and ultimately happier.

What do you say to people who have the philosophy that winter should be reserved for hibernation:  "I'll start exercising, dating, looking for a new job, break up with him/her, eat better when the weather breaks"?

I think you can positively leverage the spirit of the winter season, which includes slowing down, resting more, and reflecting while the weather is cold.  But, I don't recommend waiting to live the life you desire.  My philosophy is to create your vision for the future and balance that with your current realities.  This approach allows you to effectively pursue long-term desired outcomes while living a happier life every day.  So even during the winter, let your vision guide and inspire you during your daily life and find the baby steps you can take toward your desired outcomes.

And remember, to remain motivated during the cooler winter months, confirm your desired outcomes are based on what you truly want and aim to keep your spirits high.  By the time the weather is warmer and Spring begins, you'll be in a better position to experience the renewing energy of the season ans even more inspired to pursue your desired outcomes.

     Rosie Guagliardo has loved being a life and career coach for 7 years and the founder of InnerBrilliance Coaching, LLC.  She is also a beauty-seeking, lover of life, Italian-American who wears "Rosie-colored" glasses while being pragmatic, purposeful, and results-oriented.  The combination of these qualities inspires her to help women honor themselves and each other by seeing perfection within and all around them -- in themselves, in others and in every moment of life.  This approach to life motivates a woman DAILY to realize her life vision with ease, joy, and grace.  
     Ultimately, Rosie's desire is for a woman to radiate her true essence and navigate life gracefully so she can experience her deepest wishes.  And, for her 80 year old self to have stories she would be proud to tell.  Rosie's philosophy is become passionate about your already perfect self, others, and life...and your path becomes perfect for you.  Click to find out more.

Designing Woman: Danaya Azure

Danaya Azure

What I like most about Danaya Azure, owner of Danaya Designs 4U, is that she stays busy creating and being creative.  I was grateful she agreed to take time out of her schedule to answer some questions about the many projects she is working on, her signature style and staying focused as an artist.

You are a woman who stays busy year-round.  What are some of the projects you are   currently on?

I am currently working on several projects with Model/Actress Dalila Torres, owner of D’Martiphotography, Daniel Martinez and Chicago performing artist and hair stylist Alicia Ya Yah Banks.  We actually just finished a photo shoot for my Danaya Designs 4U ad [which is] featured in the latest edition of K4S Entertainment HFLMagazine.  I am also working on some promotional projects with Lady Survivor, including a new collaborative called Global Media Branding with Ali Joseph owner of Phaze Events and Promotions, Ebony Brinson owner of Diva Spot Ent and Paul Muhammed owner of Identity 12 Branding.  I am working with a new Chicago reality show [titled] “Real Mommas”, for which I will be sponsoring the jewelry. I am also a host on Nexxlegacy Radio Network just to name a few.

You host a radio show and design jewelry, which comes more natural to you?  Why?

I would have to say jewelry design, because I am creative I have been creating things for years.  Whether it be writing songs or poems, co-choreographing dances with Nazaree Azure or re-writing a curriculum to help students learn better.

You have interests in two industries people often refer to as very superficial (fashion and music), how do you insure that the focus stays on your skills and talents? 

I’m an artist.  I have always been an artist. I survived school only because I was allowed to express myself through art.  Fashion is about expressing yourself which is why my motto is “Express What Makes You Unique”.  I create pieces that make a statement, pieces that cause conversations, pieces that make people feel proud to wear them and most importantly pieces that are affordable, but not inferior because they can last over four years for our jewelry and over 30 years for the dazzlers. We create pieces that are truly one of a kind.

Do you follow trends when you design your jewelry, or would you say you have a signature style?

I have my own signature style.  I don’t really follow trends because trends fade, but a quality product will never go out of style.

How much time do you invest in a line of jewelry, from the planning stage to actually creating a piece?

It depends.  Some lines come about from me just playing around with different shapes.  However, some lines have to be more thought out.  For instance, [for] The Sorority Love Collection I had to do a lot of research of the Divine Nine before I launched, to make sure every symbol was accurate and the meanings behind the symbols as well.

Who or what are your style influences?  

I love all things that sparkle!  I have always looked for unique jewelry and I know how it feels to find that perfect piece that fits you just right.  I feel blessed to be the person who can now give someone that amazing feeling and the ability to do exactly what my motto says “Express What Makes You Unique”.

Where would you like to see your jewelry line in the next five years?

I would love to see Danaya Designs 4U featured in a major movie, on every red carpet and on Broadway.

If you could send a specially crafted piece to anyone in the world, who would it be?

Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera, Pink, Tyra Banks, Queen Latifah or Michelle Obama 

Advert for Danaya Designs4U

Connect with, follow and learn more about Danya at:  

Web - www.danayaazure.com

Twitter and Instagram - @danayaazure

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/DanayaDesigns4U

Trina, Naturally: An Interview About Business, Dreams & Hair

Trina doing what she does best.

This is the second time I have featured my hair stylist of 16 years, Trina, on my blog.  She is a wealth of hair care and style knowledge, so there is always endless insight she can provide.  The first interview, we touched on some of her hair care tips.  This time around, I wanted to focus more on the business side.  I mean, after all, when we hear politicians discuss small businesses, how often does your local hair salon come to mind?  Every time you have sat down in a swivel chair, been adorned with a cape and put your hair in the hands of someone wielding flat irons, smoking hot barreled curlers or a pair of sharp shears you personally supported a small business.  For some, their support comes as often as weekly or as little as annually for special occasions, trims, chemical treatments or color.  Regardless of the frequency of your visits, the hair industry is big business.  Whether the stylist is renting a booth or owns the “shop”, those individuals act as their own CEO, president and operations team all rolled into one.  The competition within the industry has always been fierce, yet in the wake of the natural hair “movement”, women are becoming less dependent on their stylist and more self-sufficient and knowledgeable about their own hair.  If you stopped 10 random natural-haired women on the street, at least 7 of them have done their own hair.  With YouTube videos, meet-ups, product swaps and natural hair bloggers infiltrating your Facebook and Twitter timelines, there is so much information and there seems to be less of a need for going to the salon.  Visit your local Target, Walgreens, CVS or even Whole Foods and you are sure to find an end-cap or two featuring natural hair care products.  So with all of this information and DIY tips floating around, where does that leave our beloved stylists?

I took the opportunity while having my hair finger-twisted at Trina’s N.V. Hair Studio, located in downtown Chicago, to delve deeper into the subject.  I wanted her opinion.  When I first met Trina, I was a junior in high school; I just wanted my hair to be cute and manageable.   At that time, she was renting a booth.  Now the salon I go to is hers.  This year marks Trina’s 29^th year in the hair industry.  She graduated from Wilford Academy in September 1984.  Growing up, she was fascinated with hair.  She recalls her mom sending her to school with her hair looking one way and at some point throughout the day she would change it.  As early as the 3^rd or 4^th grade, she would do her sister’s hair and make “concoctions”, but back then she never “really claimed it”.  Since Trina has been in the business almost as long as I have been alive (she is not old, just started her career right out of high school), she has seen many changes take place in the hair care industry.  Some of the changes that stand out to her are the number of products and product knowledge by customers.  There has been an increase in choices for both salons and products.  One change she is not happy with is the “assembly line” mentality of some stylists these days.  Trina wants to put the “care back into hair care.”  

Trina has fully embraced the natural hair movement.  She has even started N.A.P.E.E. (Naturally Attractive Proud Energy Empowerment) Cakes a name she has created and hopes to brand to be synonymous with healthy hair.  The goal is to change the negative thoughts attributed to nappy hair and to use N.A.P.E.E. Cakes as a source of education and a forum for those with natural hair.  Trina admits the so-called natural hair movement has changed the hair industry a lot.  Especially for the professional who did not “jump on the train”.  She regrets that there are hairdressers who are “turning [natural hair] clients away because they can’t do it.”  What are the benefits of the movement?  “It’s great that women have embraced their hair.  [But] it’s a lot of work.  It’s good work.  Most heads need a break from the creamy crack.  That’s my campaign.  That is my point.”  Trina hopes N.A.P.E.E. Cakes will encourage women to embrace their hair no matter the coil or curl.  Making what may have previously been considered nappy i.e. bad hair, into the “new good hair”.  She wants women to “wear it and wear it well.”  N.A.P.E.E. Cakes workshops feature a wide range of hair textures and, of course, cupcakes.  “Who doesn’t like cupcakes?”

Trina throughout the years (clockwise):  Top Left- 5th Grade and Senior Photo, Right- before marriage and kids (1995 & 2005),  Bottom Right- daughter (R) and step daughter, Bottom Left- at last years inaugural N.A.P.E.E. Cakes event

With that said, I asked Trina how she competes with all the home techniques.  “I don’t” was her definitive answer.  Instead of making “How To” videos and blog posts the enemy- to hair stylists, she too has learned a lot from them.  Trina takes time to decode some of the products and their uses for clients in need.  “It can get overwhelming.”  Furthermore, she laments, women are spending their “last [dollar] on hair care products, [when] it’s all about DNA.  I want to bring the best out of your hair.”  Although loving hair care and products is not exclusive to Black women, there is something particularly special about our spending habits when it comes to our hair.  Trina says that that kind of attention and affection is not new.  It goes “way back.  We have always based things on hair.  We describe people by hair.  No other culture does that.  We have such diversity.”  She is right, think back to how you describe a Black woman, it usually goes something like this:  She has short hair.  She has a weave.  She’s the one with the braids.  She had a bob.  Her own family was always “fascinated with hair, in particular, her grandparents.  Trina recalls often cutting her hair while in beauty school and her family getting upset.  Her grandmother would tell her to “let your hair grow and wear your lip rouge.”  As a culture, Trina says, we look at “hair as beauty.  Hair can change things, change our moods.”

Trina counts YaYa from America’s Next Top Model cycle 3 as her current “hair hero”.  She adds Diana Ross and daughter, Tracee Ellis Ross, “I’m naming all natural women, aren’t I?”  Viola Davis made the cut, no pun intended, for just that- her haircut.  “I love that she cut her hair for the Oscars.  She stood her ground.”  Rounding out the group of hair and style icons is Solange.  “I love her whole style.  She’s got it together.”

With the wave of do it yourself product lines and salons going out of business all the time, Trina simply credits her clients for keeping her small business afloat.  She says most of her clients have been coming to her for over 15 years. “Old clients keep the doors open.”  Her definition of success is “going to work and being happy first.  The money will follow.  God, health, family, fun- surrounding yourself with people you look forward to seeing.”  Some other keys to her success are, “staying focused, learning new things.”  The hair industry is “full circle.”  A stylist must learn to take old “remedies and make them work for now.”

As the mother of an 11 year old girl, Trina wants to pass along the deep-seeded idea that she can do anything in life.  “She’s my inspiration.  She is fearless and coming out of her shell.”  A recent letter, her daughter Brooklynn wrote to her, ended with, “Mom, one day I think you’re going to change the world with the hair [you do].”  Trina, with pride, gushes, “She sees that I’m doing something I love.  I want to make a mark; change lives one curl at a time.”  In the next 5-10 years, Trina wants to see New Vision Hair Studio become incorporated into N.A.P.E.E. Cakes, becoming a household name.  Her ultimate goal is to host and create more style and hair workshops for women and young girls; with the thought that the workshops can one day grow into a fully-functioning hair school, providing young women an outlet and trade.

Trina (Center) surrounded by hair models at the N.A.P.E.E. Cakes event

Trina's Tips for Summer Natural Hair Care

Tip 1:  Hair Mask

If you have never tried a hair mask, this is a great time to do so.  Use a oil hair mask the night before a shampoo.  Include a nice amount your favorite moisture conditioner, don't be shy!  The more hair the more product.  Part hair in four sections (if the hair is natural, you can skip this step).  Apply the mixed conditioner and your oil of choice- coconut, olive or grape seed- to the hair.  After applying to the entire head, add another round of the oil of your choice.  Detangle with your fingers and put on a plastic cap.  Let this sit overnight.  This is a great pre-treatment before you go to the salon or as a DIY shampoo.  From here you can wash-and-go with a PH Balanced shampoo or create a twist-out.  The result is super hydrated, moist and shiny hair.  I love, love, love this!

Tip 2:  Try Color

Ladies, if you are natural and you don't have color, your hair can sometimes appear dull and dry no matter how conditioned it is.  Consider getting a tone on tone color (your natural color), to add depth and shine or go a few shades lighter.  If you have hair commitment issues, try a few highlights to add personality to your style.  Talk to your stylist and get a good consultation.  DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!  

Tip 3:  Enjoy

Have fun!  Let your hair be a reflection of who you are within.  

In the Closet ft Michelle

For our first installment of the new "In the Closet" series, we feature Michelle B.  I like Michelle's style.  It is fly, but not over done.  She describes it as classic with a twist.  "I'll pair a button shirt with a cardigan and pencil skirt, and [add] a funky bootie.  I like to be a little edgy."  Her most recent fashion splurges include an oyster colored dress and beaded and sequined mini skirt from All Saints and a leather and tweed blazer and gold sneaker wedges from Michael Kors.

Michelle's favorite "go to" item in her closet are her leggings.  "They're comfortable, easy to dress up or down and flatter my shape."  She also gets a lot of wear out of her blue button up shirt from Brooks Brothers.  "It's easy to wear, is wrinkle resistant, elevates my outfit, plus it's Oprah's 'go to' button up too."  Michelle has incorporated several pieces from her late grandmother's closet as well, including a camel colored pencil skirt, "it's flattering, it's sophisticated."

Appropriate undergarments, such as slips, bras designed for certain shirts and proper underwear to avoid panty lines is what Michelle thinks more women should be conscious of wearing.  I wanted to find out more of her thoughts on clothes and fashion.  So two Fridays ago, I visited Michelle at her Hyde Park apartment to check out her closet.  Click here to take a peak inside!

The Storied Life of Amnel Massimo

Amnel Massimo via our recent Skype interview





I had the pleasure of meeting singer Amnel (pronounced Ahm-Nell) Massimo in Playa del Carmen, MX last year. What better place to get to know someone than a Mexican paradise? She was welcoming, warm and married to Perez Massimo, a deejay and good friend of my boyfriend. The first thing she said to me, standing poolside in our shared hotel’s atrium was: “I like your hair. What products do you use?” I liked her instantly. A woman who is friendly and likes to talk hair? That is a foundation for good friendships.

The story of Amnel begins in New York City, moves to the Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic and lands back in the NYC. I know her story. She told it to me over drinks while we watched the men in our lives take turns deejay-ing at a hotel lobby bar not far from our hotel. She was open and honest and curious. After telling me her tale, she asked me mine. I had a hard time following suit. Amnel provided the details of her life like she had done it many times previously. I, on the other hand, found it difficult to pull together a concise retelling of my story. Who I am and how I got here. That is Amnel though. As with anybody else, I prepared 10 questions for our interview. This usually results in at least an hour and a half of talk time and lots of frantically scribbled notes. Not with Amnel. Our interview took less than 45 minutes- a record for me. Her answers were always to the point and confident. Again, like she has been answering questions about who she is her entire life. I get the feeling she has been preparing for this moment, every moment, since forever.

 

Amnel has been singing since before she could talk. Independent, even then, she recalls rocking herself to sleep with song. She gets her talent honestly. Her dad was an “amazing singer”, her mom, a painter, did not have the singing ability, but there was singing talent on her side of the family as well.

It was in Junior High that Amnel’s professional singing career began. Friends of hers had a disco band, and needed a vocalist. By the time she was 16, the group was touring the island (something she loved to do), performing at weddings and hotel events. Amnel also fondly remembers singing with choir of the all-girls Catholic High School she attended. The “fuffy” school, owned by the country’s Cardinal, competed and won nationally four years in a row. Performing comes naturally. Again, preparedness is the key.

Recently, Amnel’s career has surged to the next level. It is only April and she has already performed at the girlNation Relaunch party at M Lounge in New York, the Winter Music Conference's Women Man the Decks party in Miami and Le Femme Affair- a spinoff of a Private Affair, which is an über exclusive event created by her husband, that the couple hosts in their Queens home. Later this month she will perform alongside Perez at I'll House You with Oscar P, at Bar 13, also in New York. Many artists in her position would love to have that schedule and the visibility that comes with it.

The collaborative effort between Amnel and Perez should be no surprise to those who know the couple. They are each other’s biggest fans. Amnel sites Perez as being her musical muse, teaching her about the industry and providing support. She scoffs at the idea of competition between the two, explaining that they are in “two different realms”.

 

Amnel’s inspiration for her music and sound comes from life itself. “God has a very big role in my life. I feel He has given me this gift to testify His glory.” She is spiritual, and an unflinching Christian. I asked if she finds it difficult creating a balance between her Christian life and the more secular music she performs. Amnel makes it clear, “it’s all in your heart- your intentions. You can clean your house and glorify God.” She does draw the line at overtly sexual music, choosing “integrity [and] dignity” instead.

Like most of us girls who grew up in the 80s and 90s, Amnel sites Whitney Houston as the singer who influenced her the most.  In her opinion the singer from the past or present with the most unmatched voice is Amy Winehouse. The terms “effortless” and “beautiful” are used when describing Winehouse’s singing ability. “[Singing came so naturally] she looks bored in some performances. She was unique.” Her favorite singer right now is Sia, “she’s amazing”.

As a Dominican, Amnel finds the folk music of her country’s past to be intriguing and something she would like to explore further to weave into her own music. She spoke of how “particular sounds from your nature have spiritual weight” and wants to continue to draw creativity from her roots, her folk language.




In the next five to ten years, Amnel simply wants to be “successful”. I asked her to describe her idea of success. Her immediate answer is touring. With further contemplation, she explains her goal is to use music to inspire others. The music means more to her than the money she will make as an artist. “The money will be good no doubt about that. But I look forward to the people that will testify that they were healed [listening] to my songs. Only God can bring success like that!” She plans on using her “voice to break chains [and] boundaries”. Is this not what real music lovers want from artists? To provide a soundtrack for our lives that will lead to breakthroughs, small and large, whether personally or globally. We want to be uplifted, but still groove. Upon hearing Amnel sing, or even speak, you are drawn in by the sound- thick like molasses, and soft at the same time. You want to hear more. The good news is there always seems to be more to give.

Amnel has a testimony, and she willingly shares it with those who will listen. If you watch closely to her performance, the way she commands the stage, you will witness it- her story. The story she has been preparing and articulating, her entire life. She is on a path that keeps winding, constantly moving her further and deeper and up, almost as if it were already written. If you are looking for a new voice, a new sound you can relate to, follow that path. She won’t steer you wrong.

 

More about Amnel…

“Heart Beat” by the Drumattix is currently on constant rotation. “[It] never gets old”.

She credits Trip Hop, Soul, R&B from the past, Pop, 60s and 70s Spanish Pop and Electronic music in general as her musical influences.

She considers herself a Househead, “[it] really speaks to me.”

Click to hear Amnel's cover of Rihanna's "Stay"!



 

The New Newlywed

I asked my good friend, Ann, if I could interview her about being a newlywed.  She has only been married for four months (November 2012); I thought she would be great for insight.  Ann happily complied, saying that she had a lot to say on the subject.  As a single girl, I like to get the real scoop on such matters.  Not the sugar-coated, bullshit that usually accompannies such topics.  If anyone was going to give me straight talk, it would definitely be Ann.

We decided to meet after 5pm and head over to a private club, where she is a member, to enjoy cocktails and gab about the subject at hand.  After ordering two dirty martinis, sampling the cheese selection and looking out over the rooftops of surrounding skyscraper buildings that make up the Chicago skyline, we got started.



Ann and Bryan in the early days, before marriage.

I asked Ann how long she and her husband have been together.  She did not just provide a date, "the last day of July 2007", she gave me a whole background story to go with it.  This is pretty much how the evening flowed; the alcohol acting as a vehicle for Ann's memory.  The tale of how Ann and Bryan met, starts with a wedding that Ann did not want to attend.  The recent grad, who had just finished up her internship at the company where we both now work, wanted to spend her last days of summer beach-lounging at her parent's vacation home in Hilton Head, SC.  She, instead, came home for her friend's wedding.  Irritated by her friendly obligation, she and another mutual friend of the bride's, decided to make the occasion fun- by being obnoxious.  They had a "dress off".  Ann, clad in a black and white "tango dress", her friend in a yellow kimono.  The "very ritzy" wedding, held at the Aon Center, was a black tie affair.  The bride was understandably pissed.    So the ridiculously dressed girls decided to do something even more absurd:  get drunk.

The next day another one of Ann's girlfriends, Sam, asked her to come over to hang out at her apartment's rooftop pool.  She was hungover and sunburned from weeks on the beach.  Hesitant, she relented and went.  Sam, feeling social, started chatting up the three guys sitting next to them.  This did not sit well with Ann.  Here she was, trying unsuccessfully to nurse away her hangover with more alcohol and her friend is offering their beer to strangers.  One of the guys, Bryan, was looking at her.  "[What] do you want a beer too?" she asked.  He did.  Polite and friendly, he mentioned how tan she looked (Bryan, who is Black, was not quite sure what ethnic group, Anne, who is White fell under).  "[I was trying not to] puke in his face."

Bryan, originally from Detroit, and his friends had recently moved to Chicago and were new tenants of Sam's building.  He asked for Ann's number to invite her to their housewarming party.  Throughout the remainder of the summer, she kept going back to the pool, described as an MTV Spring Break Beach House type of spot:  hot people all around.  Whenever she would see Bryan, she asked about the housewarming.  Finally, it became apparent that it was not happening.  He asked her out to dinner instead.  Their first date was at Coast, a sushi restaurant.  Nervous, Bryan took on a more quiet personality than the one Ann first ecountered poolside.  She made a point of letting him know she noticed the difference by teasing him incessantly at dinner.  At the close of their date, Bryan showed his chivalrous side by not getting too fresh.  Ann was not moved.  She cannot remember if he gave her a hug or handshake, whatever it was, he took a conservative and almost prefessional approach.  She opted to bypass the formalities and proceeded to grab and "[make] out with him".  With the exception of a short break they took because she thought he was too polite, (she took him back when she overheard him making date plans with some other girl) they have been together ever since.



The couple at Wrigley enjoying a Cubs game.

Ann admits there have been some changes after exchanging vowels.  The major one is how Bryan has become a "Mr. Fix-it" now.  When she confronted him about this, he confessed that in the back of his mind he always felt that at any time, she could walk out on the relationship, so he drew the line before marriage. Bryan was not as invested in their condo prior to marriage.  He is more proactive with household chores now.  What has changed for both of them is that they are more likely to take a step back when the other person is upset.

On our second round of martinis, the conversation gets Ann the most expressive and opinionated.  I ask, what separates you and Bryan from other newlyweds you know?  Her response:  "Oh my God.  This is the best question!"  Ann stands firm in her thought that marriage should not change a person or their life.  When she speaks of a "person", she means women.  In Ann's opinion, the fact that you know you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone, means there is no need to spend so much time with them.  Fickle post-marriage friends are her "biggest fucking pet peeve!"  She feels that the friends and people who were in your life before you got married, the same ones who shaped who you are should not fall waist-side, once you get married.  "Have your girls' day.  Your lifestyle was fine before.  That's how you fell in love."  Ann continues, "All these crazy girls drop everything.  No.  Be yourself.  Do your own thing!"  She has sensed an anticipation of being a housewife as the culprit.  Women start being extra domestic, attentive and available- trying to forecast their husband's assumed needs.  In a mocking voice, she imitates some oft-heard excuse for not hanging out:  "I have to go home and cook for [insert husband's name].  You never cooked for him before."  She questions why a woman would work so hard their whole lives, putting in "blood, sweat and tears" to end up doing nothing.  "Fuck that!  Why spend so much money on college?!"  The thought of being a stay-at-home wife bores her.  She is tired of girls "fall[ing] off the face of the earth".  Ann says nothing has changed with her and Bryan.  She likens it to moving from JD to Varsity, "you're still a high school soccer player.  Be yourself."

Ann and Bryan on their wedding day.

For the single girls, Ann says it is important to "keep your options open and don't settle."  She admonishes against the "super hot asshole" and questions if women really want that.  Her suggestion is to link up with someone sweet, good and who shares your same values.  Something Ann has noticed, even with Bryan, is that you cannot escape your father.  Especially if you have a close relationship.  Although you may not see it at first, subconciously, you will be drawn to someone who is like your dad.  It was her father who instructed her never to bring home someone with no ambition- something he always displayed.  Color and background were not important to him.  A hard worker was the most significant quality.  She concludes:  "there is no perfect package."  Truer words have never been spoken.  Check please!!

The honeymoon in Thailand and Cambodia

Ann on...

...the best marriage advice she was given...
She has never received any advice she would consider positive about marriage.  Most people seem to focus on work, never the good things about being married.  Her advice to newlyweds?  "Value each other."  Once married, there is no "get the fuck out of my house.  No, this is [our] house."  She is also against bringing a child into the mix until you are comfortable and ready.

...the best thing about having a husband...
The support that "any long-term relationship" should provide.  Ann and Bryan support each other to achieve their individual goals.  She also feels comforted by family acceptance on both sides.

...if married people can be friends with singles...
Yes.  Most of her friends are single.  When it comes to group activities, Ann thinks a little etiquette goes a long way.  A married or coupled friend should make sure the single friend is comfortable.  This means be easy with the PDA.  "Don't bring them to a couples event with eight couples.  That's dick!  It's an easy question, but people don't get this stuff."

...encouraging others to get married...
She does not encourage or dissuade people from getting married, "everyone's different."  But she thinks people should consider the concept of forever.  "You get sick of your favorite socks.  [Your favorite] food."  Time is the most critical factor to Ann.  She recalls, it took three years of living together before discovering that it was Bryan, tapping his toothbrush on the sink, that caused the watermarks on the bathroom mirror.  Although she is aware it is not major, she queries, "what if we had been married?  There are things that take time to come out."  That is why she is a proponent for living with someone for at least a year prior to taking that walk down the aisle.  To experience someone's routine.

...what brides-to-be need to know...
Whether you're worried about your dress- "it will get ruined" (whatever your
idea of ruined is).  Your in-laws- "there is always a one-up factor, especially with mothers".  Or the drunk person that inevitably acts an ass.  "Do not think everything you want, you're going to get."  Even those you will get "heat" from about not receiving an invitation, "you shouldn't care.  Get over it!"

ImMACulate Love

This was originally supposed to be a story about music and music alone.  But it soon became apparent that the undisputable theme was love and relationships.

Casual encounters and good first dates.  I first met Dee Jay Alicia a few days shy of exactly one year ago.  I was enjoying a first date with my now boyfriend, also a DJ (Jackie Moon) at the Time Out Lounge, on the South Side of Chicago.  It was Soulfisticated’s weekly House music night, a Tuesday to be exact.  As we talked over drinks, this woman entered.  She seemed to know everyone.  It was Alicia.  She greeted us with a 100 Watt smile.  If you have ever seen Alicia out, you have experienced this smile.  I remember thinking; this woman is different from others.  As a woman it is not uncommon to initially encounter not so friendly women.  We can be hard on one another.  Sizing up our “opponent” with a chilled demeanor, women can be a bit tough towards other women.  This was not the case with Alicia.  She was warm and inviting.  My date raved about her and how quickly she had embraced him.  This has been my experience with Alicia.  She is a good woman.

Meeting Mickey Calvin is another story, in that I cannot remember meeting him at all.  It was after Alicia, I can say for a fact, but that’s about it.  He is one of those people you just know.  The details are sketchy as to when we were initially introduced.  What I can say is the name Mickey Calvin is synonymous with the word Energy.  When I have seen Mickey at a party, he is dancing.  He is the type of guy who wears sunglasses inside.  Yet, it never seems obnoxious with him.  If he is DJing, he is moving more.  Watching Mickey Calvin spin, there is no doubt that he enjoys it.  Music moves him.

Add a little friendship and compatibility.  It is the humanity of both Dee Jay Alicia and Mickey Calvin that drives this story.  It is that same humanity that makes them fan favorites.  Friendship and respect for each other’s ability is what brought them together.  Love of “the music” is what fueled their latest venture- MAC Productions.  I sat down with the two of them in Alicia’s home, the Sunday before Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and the historical second term inauguration of President Obama.  It was a lazy day for me and admittedly I wanted to spend my evening on the couch vegging out, watching Netflix.  I woke up early and sent Alicia an instant message via Facebook confirming our interview.  She replied several hours later (waking from a long night after a gig that went well into the morning).  Regretfully, she would have to postpone.  She was doing an internet radio show that afternoon and asked if I wanted to meet her there.  I didn’t.  I wanted to reschedule and just when it seemed she was falling prey to my evil plan, I got her next message.  She was on the phone with Mickey; he said let’s go ahead and do it today.  Be at her house at 6pm.  Damn.

That is what makes their partnership golden.  Where Alicia may want to take the laid back approach, skillfully handling you with her easygoing charm, not trying to ruffle feathers, Mickey likes to, in his words, “kick in the door.”  MAC Productions came to be in August of 2012.  Although less than a year old, the duo has cranked out 16 new edits, and currently working on the final touches of three more.  They credit Albeton Live, a software program for creating, producing and performing music, for the creation of MAC Productions.  At first the partnership was a bit challenging, until they discovered the balance between the skill set of each.  With an MBA under her belt, Alicia brings business savvy and marketing to the table.  Mickey- has a managerial style that keeps the two focused, history and a knack for networking.  With a combined 40 plus years of working in this industry; both bring experience.

What makes this pair special is that they absolutely admire each other.  Mickey enjoys hearing Alicia play.  “Other DJs don’t take chances and opportunity, Alicia does.”  He says part of the winning formula is they share the same focus.  But this does not exempt them from disagreements.  “We have debates, she calls them arguments,” says Mickey.  The “magic” happens as a result of their mutual respect for each other.  That respect was obvious during this interview.  Each takes their turn talking, neither eager to step on the other’s toes.  There is an underlying agreement that shadows the room.  Alicia adds, “he appreciates what I do musically, my DJ style.”  Of Mickey’s DJing, Alicia says, “it’s almost like he’s singing to you.  I like more raw beats, Afro beats, he’s more melodic.”  That is their simple recipe for editing:  Alicia starts with a heavy beat, and then hands it over to Mickey for the finishing effects.  They usually work separately; trust being the key.  “My partner has drive.  If I pass the track off, she does her thing and it will be complete.  I work well with someone with the same drive as mine,” says Mickey of this process.  “[We both bring] 110%”.  Alicia has tried other partners in the past, but always felt they wanted to “bottle my lightening.  Mickey focuses my energy where it’s most effective.”  She feels her personality “gels well” with Mickey’s and takes comfort in the fact that he does not take offense to “my suggestions”.

Here’s the start of something special.  Mickey started collecting music sometime around 1983 or 1984, but did not go pro until 1990.  He has always played House music, but would dabble with different genres for certain gigs and people.  His dad bought him his first set of turntables, but the DJing was something he was just good at, it was not planned.  It was while working for Loop Records from 1991 to about 1994 that he met and began working closely with LiL John, his mentor, and Freddie Bain.  Both John and Bain spun at Red Dog; Mickey joined them a couple of years later.  Red Dog allowed him to hone his DJing and networking skills.

Alicia’s DJing career began with the Chicago Steppers community, 17 years ago.  She found the same intensity she sees with Househeads.  The only difference being where that intensity is focused.  For steppers, there were impassioned dance contests.  The House community is simply intense with the music.  You have seen them, eyes closed, carried away by the sound- hypnotic head nod and body bounce that seems to be uncontrollable.  For Alicia, feeding that insatiable craving of the music lovers can be “a lot of pressure”.  Mickey agrees, the “pressure comes from focusing on your crowd.”  Alicia chimes in, “trying to satisfy them”.  Mickey goes on to explain the challenge a DJ faces when trying to introduce new music to a crowd that could include everyone from other DJs, seasoned Househeads and newbies who just came out to hear some of their favorite party anthems and have a drink and a good time.  “Some people”, he says, “haven’t heard ‘Hey Hey’ (Dennis Ferrer’s 2010 hit single) but about two times.  You have to respect that.” 

Enter the Licorice Lounge.  Alicia, with pride in her voice, introduces MAC Productions’ newest venture:  building a weekly party on Thursdays at the Licorice Lounge.  An unassuming, quaint little (emphasis on little) space, the Licorice has become a hotspot for those on the verge of wrapping up their 9 to 5 work week with heavy-thumping, soul inspiring music.  The atmosphere is comparable to the 1980s hit show Cheers.  In the short span of two visits, you will become familiar with just about everyone in this South Side lounge.  For fans who are followers of the music or even the unbreakable fans of Alicia and Mickey, Thursdays at the Licorice are like weekly family and friend reunions.  The pair likes it this way.  Mickey feels it’s important to “make ourselves attainable.”  The family atmosphere is maintained because both make a point to greet patrons at the door.  You can expect to sit next to either at the bar, or be pulled to the makeshift dance floor at any given time.  The focus is not on money, rather everyone (themselves included) having a good time.  A fun night is a successful night.  Mickey’s philosophy is:  “[if you] give a good product; you’re going to get paid”.  Luckily for the Licorice Lounge owner, they have.  I remember the first time I walked in the Licorice Lounge door for Tasty House Thursdays.  I could count the people on one hand- that’s including the bartender and DJ.  In just a few short months, it has become the place to be every Thursday night- and it’s still growing.  Just last week, I had to post up against a wall because seating at the bar and elsewhere were all taken.

MAC Productions, like a heat seeking missile, is quietly building an unshakable following.  It is a steady uphill climb, riddled with many traps.  The first and most critical is what some would call the finicky tastes of the House community, in particular the Chicago House community.  They have an unbridled need to dance, and they will not settle for just anyone giving themselves the title of DJ.  You have to earn it.  Furthermore, the House community is indeed a community.  Mickey jokingly compares them to Jehovah’s Witnesses, “you can be banned and blackballed.”  Within this network of fans and DJs alike are cliques, elders and even a mayor.  There are breakups and makeups, like with any family.  Major events like the annual Chosen Few picnic brings everyone together.  Alicia likens it to “Christmas dinner”.  Under the “elders” everyone is on their best behavior. 

The second and perhaps most obvious challenge is presented when Alicia enters the room.  Being a woman DJ, even in 2013, still poses a problem.  “[It’s] the best of both worlds.  You may be chosen because you’re a female”, she says.  But in more cases than not, she still feels she has to prove herself, “every time”.  When I ask who it is she has to prove herself to the most:  male DJs, partygoers or female DJs, she nearly cuts me off, replying, “all of them”.  She admits to having an “intense desire” to silence the naysayers.  Regardless of her skills and finesse, “it’s [still] a boys club, [you can be] ten times as good.” 

Finally, there is the issue of vinyl verses CDs verses Serato (digital DJing software).  Alicia, who has been using Serato for two years and admits that it will “spoil you”, recalls a time in the not-so-distant past where a normal gig required her lugging up to nine crates of vinyl just to perform.  But she clarifies, “I’m not dependent on it.”  Mickey adds, “people see me as a ‘new cat’, [but] you can tell the difference when I play.”  He goes on to muse, “I’ve developed a craft.”  A “club DJ”, he loves remixing the record while playing live, “on the fly”.

They lived happily ever after.  Alicia makes a point not to focus on the negative.  “They talked about Jesus.”   Instead, she focuses on doing “what makes me happy.”  With all of the hard work that is involved, I asked, what do you enjoy most? Alicia quickly answers, “all of it, physically; it’s everything.”  Mickey, delving deeper, replies, “I enjoy the way I execute.  The way I play.”  Both agree there is a definite love of the music, the fans and the instant unmistakable reaction they receive from the crowd.  Innocently, I follow-up with, Is it a power trip?  To which Alicia makes it clear, “DJs are servants.  What power do you have if no one is there to hear you?”  Momentarily in their own world, they start comparing stories and discuss Alicia “black[ing] out, like the Matrix”.  Mickey confesses he does not like being bothered when he plays, “I try to zone [out]”.

With their new MAC Productions editing business, they admit it’s hard to listen to music in the same way as before.  The only difference now is, anything they don’t like, they just change it.  One thing that has not changed is their understanding of business and its importance in the music industry.  “Business is business”, says Alicia.  “You can have a passion in the basement- it’s all personality.  I just play records.  Our personality is an asset to what we do.”  There is an obvious abundant amount of love that goes into what they do. Mickey and Alicia equally acknowledge their fans and followers, who in most cases tip a fine line into friendship, as one of their main motivation.  Alicia’s Muffins go as far as to bring food and gifts such as boots and perfume, to leaving encouraging messages on any number of her Facebook pages.  It is hard to give up when “other people believe in you,” says Mickey.

The work is hard, they both admit, “I have a breakdown every day,” says Alicia.  But doesn’t every love story have its ups and downs?  The future for MAC Productions looks bright.  This year they hope to find their edits frequently included on Traxsource and other sites featuring downloadable underground House and Electronic music.  Further down the line Alicia hopes to focus less on DJing and more on production.  Mickey, casually and very confident, confides, “I would love to win a Grammy.”  To which Alicia replies, “Mickey thinks big.  I’m more [of] if it happens, it happens.”  At the rate their going, why wouldn’t it?

Five Questions for Mickey Calvin and Alicia

1.  What’s something few people know/understand about making a great edit?

Dee Jay Alicia:  Quantization.  Both start laughing. 
Mickey Calvin:  A song has a beginning, middle and end.

2.  I consider myself a novice to the house world.  What five songs will teach me everything I need to know about the music/culture?

A:  You have to go in eras.
                -Jingo- “I’ll House You”
                -Donna Summer- “I Feel Love”
                -Lil’ Louis- “’Video Crash”
M:  You have to have the steps.  House is the synthetic version of disco.
                -Phyllis Hyman- “You Know How to Love Me”
                -Chaka Khan- “I’m Every Woman”

3.  What House song did you first fall in love with?

A:  “I Feel Love”- Donna Summer
M:  “Bad Luck”- Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes and 2^nd “You Know How to Love Me”- Phyllis Hyman

4.  You’re stranded on an island, you have all of your DJ equipment, but you’re unable to play yourself.  Which DJ do you want to be on that island with you to play instead?

M:  My mentor, LiL John.
A:  Mike Dunn

5.  Do dating and DJing mix well?

A:  No.
M:  Simultaneously, shakes head no.
A:  Scheduling issues; I live at night.
M:  I work and DJ.