My Journey of Journals

Last week, on Wednesday, January 1, 2014, I did something for the very first time in my life.  On the first day of this year, I closed the book on a goal I set out for myself, unsure of the outcome.  When I say book, I mean that both figuratively and literally.  I finally completed a journal!  It sounds weird, me being a writer and all, but I have never finished a journal.  The crazy thing is, I have a boatload of journals that have been gifted to me by many people (including myself) dating back to the 1980s- none of them completed.

Some of my journals stand absolutely empty, as if nothing of importance or value has occurred since receiving them.  Each one has either been started as a method of healing or as a a way of documenting something that I feel my future self needs to remember.  The journal I just completed, the only one with the distinct characteristic of having it's pages filled from cover to cover, was started for the former reason.  I needed to deal with a breakup that caught me off-guard.  I had to find some way to release my feelings without calling my friends up every hour to discuss the different angles of my sadness, anger and frustration.  I wanted to get off of my chest, what I felt was pinning me down.  I needed to be my own sounding board.  

The first entry of the journal is dated 2/26/13.  I reflected on Joshua 1:9.  I was sad.  It was seven days after the dissolution of my most recent relationship and I was still reeling.  My best friend, Antoine, had suggested journaling.  I told him about my challenge with finishing journals.  He said write anyway.  I wanted to pick up an old journal that I had written in last, but Antoine said it may be important to just start a new one, with the goal being to finish.  Here I am, a little less than a year from my first entry and I have done what I set out to do.  After my last entry, I found the hardest and most therapeutic thing to do was to actually go back and read my previous entries.  To see where I had come from was heartbreaking and liberating at the same time.  How could someone so broken, be renewed in just less than 12 months' time?  It seemed like hell then, but now it feels like nothing.

So what does one do when a journal has been completed?  One keeps writing, with the same goal in mind- to complete it and to heal and grow from the process.  I decided to finish another journal that I started in 2009.  It too focuses heavily on a relationship gone sour, but also of my employment at the time.  I hated my job then and you can hear it through my words.  I was almost in tears reading my words from the past.  My frustration and hurt is palpable.  I think this will be a good journal to complete next.  The contrast between my life then and now is plain to see, which makes it all the much sweeter to end it on a high note.

10 Things I Learned (or were reiterated) in the Year 2013

          1.   Friends come and go…

It sounds sad to say, because friendship is such an important part of most of our lives.  The fraternity, Omega Psi Phi, has the motto “friendship is essential to the soul.”  And I think whomever came up with that motto was on to something.  Friendship is essential.  Friends are the family you get to choose.  The difference, even if you decide not to associate with family, is that they are still your family.  Friendships can evolve and change, or rather the people within the friendships can evolve and change.  No matter how many good times you have with a person, those experiences do not always result in a happy future.  Whether I released or I was released from friendships, I made a point of learning from the experiences and cherishing the good times.  But I also clung tightly and fiercely to those positive and healthy relationships that were stable and genuine.  You will never know who your friends are only in good times.  You can never truly understand what it takes to make a friendship work by partying and socializing with people.  The best barometer of a quality friendship is your tough times- the times when you both have misunderstandings or get on each other’s last damn nerves.  That is how a good and solid friendship is measured.  

2.   It is important to allow people an out or a ‘no’…

Why?  Because you want others to give you ‘outs’.  Once I became what I consider a grown woman, I started taking my free time more serious.  I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.  So, when I host an event (lately I have been averaging three a year), I have learned that everyone on my invite list will not and cannot show up.  Whatever the reason or excuse, I cannot worry about it.  There have been people whom I make sure I support and attend any and everything they invite me to, in order to show my support, but when my events roll around there are conflicts with schedules, there are uninterested replies, there is lack of time management.  One good girlfriend, whom I love, plainly said she could find better things to do for three hours than come to my vision board party.  Ouch!  (Love you April!)  You know what?  I still love them all.  I know how important it is to say ‘no’ sometimes.  I know how special free time is.  I also know as women, especially, we should not guilt each other into doing things we wish not to do.  Society does enough of that already.  This past weekend I hosted a burning bowl ceremony (you write on a piece of paper what you want to rid yourself of in the new year to “burn” and on a separate sheet, what you would like to replace those things with instead, to be revisited several months in the future) at my home where 11 people were scheduled to show up, but even an hour into the event I was receiving cancellations.  No worries.  The three women who did show up and myself had a wonderful time.  My friends commented on how much more comfortable they felt disclosing their true feelings and goals with the small group.  Everyone who should have been there or needed to be there was there.  I held no hard feelings towards those who could not make it.

3.   I like the new Beyonce album...

I have had some really great discussions with some friends shortly after it came out about the release, the content, the marketing, her message (if any) and I came to the conclusion that I just like the album.  I like her being a bit raunch.  I like her continuing to express that she is indeed a grown ass woman.  It is the same reason I love Ledisi’s sexy new look, album cover and video for “I Blame You”.  I like seeing women evolving!  I like the growth process of womanhood.  I like the many facets of this womanhood.  I like owning my own sexuality and applaud other women for welcoming and exploring theirs.  

4.   I move slow...

Let my mom tell it, I have always been slow:  getting dressed, cleaning up, arriving to parties.  I can finally admit that she is right.  What does a good off day look like to me?  Taking my time in the morning.  Easing into my outfit.  Playing music, eating a bit and lounging in between.  I get up everyday at a certain time so that I can be at my gig based on someone else’s rules.  On my off days, I like to do as I please as slow as I please.

5.   Hosting is fun and fulfilling...

I am more comfortable at it and can take my time and enjoy myself in the process.  Although the previously mentioned Burning Bowl event was mentally constructed in my mind, I got up that same morning, decided upon what was needed and purchased everything accordingly.  Then after eating and relaxing while watching T.V., I gave myself two hours to put everything together.  I was stress-free and enjoyed the process.  I also have been noticing that I would consider myself a pretty good, if not good, host.  I have learned that it does not take much for an event to be a success- just good people.  Good food and drinks do not hurt either!  But even with that, I make everything a joint effort.  I am a fan of the potluck.  I come up with my menu and ask if people can bring things that would compliment what I was preparing.  It makes it easier for me, plus my guests do not have to worry about what to bring.  It is fulfilling to allow people into your home and serve them and enjoy them in your space.  I also love when people like my cooking.  When I was little my step mother used to watch me eat and ask me over and over if I thought it was good.  It annoyed me at the time, because I could never say ‘yes’ enough.  But now I fully understand.  You want people to like your cooking, your food selection, your drinks.  It matters and it feels good when they do. 

6.   I have finally found my perfect bra...

It is black.  It has detachable straps (I prefer it strapless).  It is Calvin Klein.  It was purchased at Nordstrom.  It is amazing!  I do not wash it as much as I would normally because I cannot stop wearing it!  

7.   There is no need to “should” people...

I have learned from my Iyanla Vanzant daily StimuMail, that there is no need to waste time “should-ing” people.  That is when you say, “they should have done this” or “you should have done that”.  Everyone does exactly what they are meant to do to bring you, me and them to the place where they are supposed to be.  In other words, everything does happen for a reason, no matter how stupid and inconsiderate we think that reason is.  What is done is done and I must not react to the individuals, rather respond based on my core values.  I cannot control any other human, but myself.  So whatever should have been done, is not my concern.  My concern and my responsibility, regardless, is to move forward despite what “should have” been. 

8.   I gained weight, and I was okay with it...

I typically gain winter weight.  But this year after doing a few cleanses and dropping pounds by being conscious of what I ate, I let the cards, or rather, the fat fall as it may.  I exercised a bit on a regular basis leading up to November.  Then I decided to sign up for my fitness center’s 2014 Bikini Challenge.  Which meant, I decided to stop working out all together this month and eat as I wished.  I have to admit, I have enjoyed the process.  As juicy as I have gotten, I felt sexy and confident in my skin.  I giggled as I looked at my stomach rolls while getting dressed.  I silently shook my head as I heard the inner thighs of my pants rub together.  I threw my hands up when zippers busted and certain dresses would involve me becoming a contortionist in order to get in them.  Again, I enjoyed it!  I did not throw any clothes away, but I did not dare buy any new clothes either.  I know these 15 extra LBs will be gone by March and I type that with confidence.  So yes, I will indulge in the rest of this pound cake.  Why of course I will take bacon and a fried egg on that burger- don’t forget the cheese!  I am comfortable with the skin I am in, and after a clumsy breakup which caused me to doubt myself and lose some of my teflon self-esteem, that means a lot!  And it took a lot for me to get there.  Catch me in 2014, bet I’ll be tight.

9.   Forgiveness is necessary for forward movement...

Forgiveness allows growth and new grounds to be broken.  Forgiveness of others releases you from being connected to people through your anger and hurt.  To forgive is to live free.  To let go of the past and truly embrace the present.  I had to forgive a number of people this year.  Not always verbally to them directly, but usually through my silent prayers.  I had to pray through the hurt, the betrayal and confusion I felt others had inflicted on me.  I needed to be free of the individual’s or the particular situation’s hold of me.  After forgiving this person for not being upfront and honest and for what I considered wasting my time.  And forgiving that person for talking about me behind my back and rallying others to do the same.  Then forgiving those who I felt created unnecessarily hostile environments or were just plain rude.  And those who just believed the lies of others and abandoned me.  After all of that forgiveness, I took time and wholeheartedly forgave MYSELF.  That, I found, was the ultimate act of forgiveness.  Forgiving myself for the hurts and the pains that I played a part in and considered myself responsible for having happened.  I forgave myself for not being more thoughtful or cautious when entering some relationships.  I forgave myself for not taking time to tap into what I was actually feeling when those feelings arose instead of just going with my gut which has been off since the ‘90s!  I forgave myself for my role in some of the shenanigans I encountered.  I forgave myself in order to embrace myself fully.

10.  I have to be gentle with myself...

This kind of goes hand-in-hand with all of the above.  I have tried my darndest to learn and act on this lesson.  It ain’t easy!  But it is necessary for my well-being.  I am not a failure.  Although I am not always right, I am not always wrong either.  Some things that look like mess-ups or mistakes are actually blessings.  I am good.  I am enough.  I am ok.  If for no other reason than because of Who created me.  I have been working hard to change the “tapes” in my head that have me doubting or criticizing myself.  The small voice that always has a harsh comment whenever an obstacle presents itself or things do not go according to plan, has been slowly substituted with words of encouragement or sometimes just silence.  I am working on just being.  Taking life and it’s blows as they come and understanding the importance of each in retrospect.  

Happy New Year!!  What are your best lessons learned 2013?  

MOVIE REVIEW: 12 Years a Slave

I saw the film 12 Years a Slave several weeks ago, so yes, this post is a bit late.  However, it seems there are still a lot of people who have it on their "must see" list, but have yet to purchase a ticket.  The most given reasons are:  I gotta get my my mind right before I see it or it's going to upset me and I have to go back to work with a bunch of White people or yeah, the slave movie, un unh, see I can't watch movies like that, it'll piss me off.  This review is for these people.  Here's what you must know, first and foremost, the film is excellent.  The story, although, heartbreaking, is told truthfully and beautifully.  Finally, all of the things that you believe will upset, will, as it should.

What I love about director Steve McQueen, is he does not falter when shooting an uncomfortable scene.  He let's the pain sit and hold you.  He tests your resolve.  He tests your strength.  In regards to a film centered on slavery, there is no better way to direct such a piece of work.  You have to let it burn.  You must make the film simmer.  Everything you do not want to see, is exactly what you should.  African Americans do not often like to talk about the painful past.  Most likely because it is not that far removed from where we are today.  Most of us in my generation, the 80s babies, has a parent or grandparent who remembers the Jim Crow era.  We have heard the stories up close and personal, from people we love and know very well.  As a culture, we tend to try and forget.  But why?  Let us never forget what our ancestors put up with, to bring us to the present.  Is it because we are ashamed at the fact that those who came before us endured so much and here we are in the present, creating twerking videos, referring to each other as bitches and hos, or take are "freedom" to mean we can act like fools.  Oh, did I step on your toes?  My bad.  The fact is, most, if not all of us are guilty of taking our ancestors strife for granted.  As humans, we have lived as such.  Very humanly.

McQueen's film does not sugarcoat the life of an enslaved person. This is no modern-day love letter to the antebellum South.  There is no romance attached to the all to real horrors that transpired.  This ain't Gone With the Wind!  Sorry Kenya Moore, but as a Black woman, nothing about Gone With the Wind is fabulous.  There is no heartfelt story of Master and Slave enjoying a sweet and respectful relationship.  The film does not spend time showing the story of the Mistress of the house building a bond with one of the house slaves.  Nope, this is a raw tale.  The story depicts the sick and twisted history we all share.  I remember being in the 7th or 8th grade, in Gulfport, MS.  I was attending a majority White Catholic high school.  One of my teachers, Ms. Durbin, once told the class that during the time of slavery there were many different stories and they were not all that bad.  She said that many times, the owners of slaves worked side by side with their field hands.  That they did not all have big houses, or get rich off of the slave's back and hard labor.  To which a very bold young MJ raised her hand and said, "but the difference is, the slave owner got to go home at night."  Yep, I was one of those kids.  Girl, don't try it!  It did not help that I was going through my Malcolm X fascination phase.  I was not having it.  Living in the South I realized how many people still long for those days.  Paula Deen isn't the only one who wants to throw a plantation-slave party.  I cannot tell you how many plantations I have visited while at that school for field trips.

Another thing you must know before seeing the film, and this is not a spoiler alert:  there will be whippings!  I was discussing the film with a co-worker in the staff kitchen and another co-worker was saying she did not want to hear about it.  I said, "listen, if there is nothing else in a slave movie, you can definitely expect that someone will get whipped!"  I mean, really.  McQueen shows the brutality in a way that makes you want to hide your face.  You find yourself holding your breath waiting to exhale.  Yep, that's what makes the film genius.  The director has successfully put you, the viewer, the spectator- in the moment.  That's how the story of slavery needs to be told.  Not as a glossed-over, excuse-making movie, but an unflinching scope of what took place.

You have to see the film.  No matter what your ethnicity is.  Get over the fact that people may not be as sensitive to it as you think they should be.  When I went, there was a group behind us made up of non-Black folk.  They snickered and giggled during certain scenes.  Mind you, I laughed at no parts in the entire film.  When my group I saw the film with left out, my best friend said they were pissing him off with their giggling.  I told him, due to the intense nature of the film, you can liken it to a nervous laugh.  People watch it looking for any moment to breathe.  The film is heavy and everyone has not matured to know how to take in what they are seeing.  I explained they probably meant no harm, they just did not know what to do and how to handle their emotions.  If this happens while you are seeing the film, try your best to dismiss their immaturity.  Hell, there were Black people doing it too, and I say the same thing for them as well.

Still apprehensive?  Ask yourself, why is this so uncomfortable for me?  Go with a good movie buddy whom you can openly discuss the film with afterwards.  You will definitely want to talk about it.  Finally, go with an understanding that no matter how uncomfortable you feel, you will be watching it in a plush movie theater, eating popcorn; the story you see on screen, however, is real and you can't be any more uncomfortable than our ancestors felt going through it.

12 Years a Slave See it!

Rockabye Baby

Recently I have been trying to meditate more often.  After completing the Oprah and Deepak Chopra 21-Day Challenge, I decided to keep the party going by trying to center myself daily.  Meditation for me can be difficult, because my brain is always on overload and I have a hard time focusing on not focusing.  When I would meditate with Deepak, I tried to zone out into the music that was provided in the background, while Deepak "minds the time" for you.  That actually helped.  So I figured if I was going to meditate on my own, the music would be essential.

So where do you find "meditation music"?  YouTube of course.  I just searched meditation music and voila!  I had a whole selection to choose from.  Then I started thinking, if the music can relax me enough to meditate for at least a good solid 10 minutes, than it must also work for sleeping right?  Yes.  Yes indeed it does.  If you have not put yourself to sleep to meditation music, you are missing out on something special. 

Your average full-time working adult (this includes stay-at-home parents, housewives, entrepreneurs, etc.), is already tired when a day's work is completed.  With the internet, binge T.V. watching (oh my goodness, is it just me or is there a LOT of good television to get hooked on right now!?) and social media sites (Facebook can be the devil late at night), it is hard to actually go to sleep.  Tired unfortunately, does not equate to sleep.  I am too familiar with that feeling when your eyes are burning; you can barely move from where your body has landed.  You might even doze intermittently, just not actually take your butt to bed!

I have found a solution for myself.  I just moved into a new apartment, like, just last Sunday.  So less than a week.  Although I really adore my new home, it still does not feel like home yet.  Probably because I lived in my old apartment for six years.  Unlike my previous place, I have my T.V. in the living room, meaning I cannot put the sleep timer on and watch until I fall asleep.  I actually have to get up and go into another room to get comfortable.  I like this set up better, but with it being a new place and all, I needed to get used to it.  This is where my meditation music comes in handy.  I pull up my favorite YouTube meditation music selection, which is over an hour long and let it rock me to sleep.  If you have not tried this, let me tell you!  It is like musical Ambien!  I only remember the first 5-10 minutes, then the next thing I know, it's 5 o'clock in the morning!  This music will put you DOWN.  It is so good, I put it on as soon as I go into the bedroom.  While I am reading before bed it plays.  Last night, I never even cracked my book open; the music had taken over.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of thing that gets me excited.  I am by no means one of those over-sleeper type people who takes a nap every chance they get.  I have to actually be tired to rest my brain enough (back to the importance of meditation) to go to sleep.  In regards to a good night sleep, it makes a world of difference for me in terms of my mood and feelings the next day.  I hate dragging and being tired.  As I told my friend yesterday, a girl needs her rest!

Singularly Single

I am single.  Again.  There, I said it!  It is not something I thought I would be facing at this point again, but it is what it is.  You live.  You learn.  You move on.  No hard feelings.  The most glaring initial problem with break-ups is getting back acclimated with your single self.  More nights at home alone.  Less confidence in who to choose to accompany you to certain events.  That was always his job.  Although now that I think about it, his work schedule and overall lack of interest in things that interested me left me still having to make that choice, but it still felt like I had more opportunities to have an "escort" or buddy.  But I digress.  There are a few events that have come up recently that I have invited friends to, with no success.  I will be the first to admit- it happens.  Life that is.  My girlfriends have kids, and husbands, jobs, stressful re-occurring life issues, plans, class, work assignments.  Lives.  They need naps, and rest, doctor's appointments, money, and a rain-check.  I cannot be mad.  Is it frustrating?  At times, yes.   But it's adult life. 

So where will I turn for companionship during this re-adjustment period?  Within.  I have decided to take myself on dates.  Not once in awhile, but regularly.  Not in that corny, girl you need to get to know you before you can be with any man! type of way, but in a sincere effort to just keep myself entertained and interested.  I purchased one ticket to see Amel Larrieux in September.  I gladly accepted two tickets to the Black Harvest Film Festival from my boss yesterday, with no idea of who would get the other ticket.  I had struck out with my first three offers.  So before my co-worker showed excitement and I offered her the ticket, I planned on attending the short film series on Love (yes, Love) last night, by myself.  It has been a awhile since I have courted me.  I admit, I'm a bit rusty, but taking care of myself is a necessity.  I cannot wait for the right companion to emerge.  I have to keep moving forward, to make this a smooth transition.  In fact, I am going to take a breather from inviting others to the "party" so much.  If it happens and we get together.  Great.  If not, no biggie.   I think I can handle this alone.

The Worrisome Non-Mother

Each summer, my company-sponsored internship program hosts about 20-25 young people from both college and high school.  Sometimes we partner with mentor programs within the city and allow their handpicked students to join our program and work as well.  This is how I ended up with my intern/mentee this year.  She is a recent Chicago Public Schools high school graduate and ready to head off to college in less than a week.  When she first arrived, she had about two to three months left of her senior year.  She was anxious about graduating and a bit timid within our work environment.  When summertime came, and our other interns arrived (most of them older), I along with my co-worker, who also helped mentor this young lady, encouraged her to make friends and open up to the early stages of “networking”.  She was nervous, but soon she had a regular lunch crew, acquired work friends and even did a bit of complaining!  

I was told my intern was coming as she literally walked through the door.  I had no project for her to work on, nothing specific and intensive for her to do.  My goal, as with all of my interns in the past:  teach her what I could work-wise, but try to get to know her on a personal level as well.  When she arrived after school, I would ask her about her day, her plans for graduation and prom, find out what was going on with her boyfriend and get a general sense of what her life was like all the while learning about PhotoChat (I think?), her definition of ratchedness and dishing out MJ’s tidbits of advice here and there.  All in all, I think she enjoyed her time and I got an up close view of her blossoming into a college-bound young lady.

On Wednesday, her mentor organization held a luncheon that centered around the interns completing their public speaking challenge.  This was a PowerPoint presentation, discussing the company they worked for, what they did and the lessons learned during their internship, in front of an audience of mentors and judges.  My girl was nervous after having worked on the project for months.  I have to admit, so was I.  What had she learned?  Did we provide a work environment that she could be proud of?  How would her presentation stand up to the others?  I mean, she briefly interviewed me, so what exactly was she going to discuss?  What wise-crack comment had I given her that would come back to bite me in front of all of these people?  To my delight, the presentation was excellent!  It brought tears to my eyes.  I was so proud!

Thursday, was her last day working with us.  I got all misty-eyed and gave her a long hug.  We pulled away, she was crying and we embraced again.  My instinct was to tell her everything I could think of:  Don’t put your drink down unattended, You can party, but not too hard, You can do whatever you want to do, Love your boyfriend, but know that there are other boys, Take care of your reputation, it will follow you all four years and lastly, I reiterated a point we had discussed thoroughly in the past- Don’t lose your crown!  She nodded in agreement, tears streaming down her face.  “I know, I’ll remember”.  

I will admit, there were times I had to correct her, gently, but professionally.  Her teenaged moodiness and slight eye-rolls would work my nerves.  She was your average teenager, with boyfriend drama, best friend issues and high school annoyances.  She was still my girl though. Yesterday, at work, I received an e-mail from her company account.  She must have scheduled it from the previous day.  In it was an attached Word document thanking me for the lessons I taught her.  How much she appreciated those lessons.  “Not only are you my mentor you are also my big sister that taught me to always keep it classy and always act like a lady.”  This must be how a parent/guardian feels!  You want them to soak up what you tell them and take it to heart.  You want to know that they are listening.  You want them to be okay.  Most importantly, you don’t want them to make the same mistakes you did.

With the city’s senseless violence and staggering high school dropout rates unwavering, I always take personal care to wish the interns a safe night, weekend, or return to school, with reminders to “be careful” and “be good”.  I did the same with my intern this year.  I found myself adding her to my prayer list.  Not only worrying, but wanting to personally protect her.  When it comes to our youth, I believe it really does take a village.  As a fellow villager, my work feels sometimes just as tough as a parent, knowing that every little experience, word of encouragement or discouragement, makes a difference in someones life.  I still have “old tapes” that play in my head that some former employee, school teacher or classmate said to me many moons ago that serve to shred my self esteem at times.  Thoughts I have to overcome and try my best to delete so that I can be productive and move on, releasing all judgement.  I want the words that I speak, that might be on auto-play in a young person’s mind that I have encountered to be positive and uplifting.  You want to create a better world?  It starts with the younger generation and how they feel about themselves.  If they love, respect and believe in themselves we all benefit.

Too Grown

Yesterday I returned from a trip to D.C.  I flew in on Saturday for my Best Friend's Trip 2013, which my best friend (hence the title) Antoine and I do each year.  We chose D.C. to catch the highly anticipated Mrs. Carter Tour starring Beyoncé.  Neither of us had seen her prior and decided the trip would kill two birds with one stone.  Although we both frequent live performances, our distance and schedules never permit us to see any major concerts together and we could finally settle on a trip destination for 2013.  A win-win situation.

The plan was set.  Concert and plane tickets were purchased.  What I realized was, unlike previous trips from years prior, this vacation did not involve us "kickin' it" hard.  There was no club-hopping.  Instead we caught a great happy hour at a tapas restaurant.  Where previously we may have chugged tequila and vodka drinks, we opted instead for pitchers of sangria with co-workers and new friends.  In the past I would have stressed a shopping excursion.  This year, our days were spent visiting the recently erected Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial and the Rosa Parks statue located in Statuary Hall in the Capitol.  We did not wear our feet out dancing all night.  The soreness came from walking from the Smithsonian's African Art and American History museums to the National Archives building where we viewed everything from Michelle Obama's first inauguration ball gown to the original Constitution.  We both ended up seeing Beyonce separately prior to our trip and were not dying to see the show again.  So on our last night, we sold our concert tickets on Craig's List and bought $4 lawn seats at Vienna, Virginia's Wolf Trap National Park for Performing Arts to see the Aspen Santa Fe Ballet.

The trip, as always was a success.  We spent less money than usual (neither spending more that $200) and agreed we both had an amazing time.  You can map our maturity through our trips and vacations.  They have become less about getting 'tow up' and more about bonding, relaxing, getting away and learning.  Yes, things have definitely changed!